BUY: DISTRICT 9

Aliens come down to earth and get treated like black people in director Neill Blomkamp’s sci-fi-actioner District 9. Produced by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings, King Kong), the film is set in Johannesburg, South Africa and follows the transfer of alien inhabitants from the government established refugee camp known as District 9 to the much larger District 10.

Wikus van de Merwe is the government official assigned to help a privately funded military group relocate the aliens (dismissively referred to as “prawns” by humans). Things get complicated, however, when Merwe is exposed to alien matter that corrupts his own genetic makeup.

Inspired by events that took place during the apartheid era in South Africa, District 9 spins a smart and engaging story without sacrificing the action and suspense sci-fi fans love. The effects are convincing and, along with the film’s docu-drama angle, make the film feel and look believable (Warning: if you’re like me, you may want to have a puke bucket next to your La-Z-Boy. The shaky-cam can be pretty brutal at times).

The 2-disc edition includes director commentary, deleted scenes, and the following featurettes: “The Alien Agenda: Filmmaker’s Log, a Three-Part Documentary,” “Metamorphosis: the Transformation of Wikus,” “Innovation: Acting and Improvisation,” “Conception and Design: Creating the World of District 9,” and “Alien Generation: Visual Effects.”

The Blu-ray disc edition includes the same bonus material plus “Joburg From Above: Satellite and Schematics of the World of District 9 – Interactive Map.”

RENT: PARANORMAL ENTITY

Erin Marie Hogan

Paranormal Entity tells the story of a man who is sentence to prison for the murder of his sister. The man’s family, however, knows that something paranormal is to blame for the tragedy … and they’ve found footage to prove it. Yes, the movie is a knockoff of Paramount Pictures’ blockbuster hit Paranormal Activity, but could it be much worse? Probably. I haven’t yet seen the flick. But, I will rent it based on the comments posted by Dustin Demoss on Amazon.com.

Demoss writes:

The story/style is nearly identitical to that of Activity, however, I did find the story to be slightly more interesting…with the inclusion of why an entity exists…and at least they try to go to a motel. I didn’t find the acting to be as “real” as Activity, but the dialogue was much less annoying…continual arguing in Activity was pretty grueling. And as an added bonus you’re not stuck looking at an ugly chick.

Paranormal Entity is produced and distributed by The Asylum Home Entertainment and stars the very attractive Erin Marie Hogan.

BURY: CAPTIVE

Captive stars former Playboy model and Baywatch star Erika Eleniak as a woman who goes ape-shit after her husband is murdered. Placed in a loony bin, she must battle the advances of perverted orderlies and yada, yada, yada. This flick was produced in 1998 and, boy, does it suck donkey dicks.

Captive is dated, beyond cheesy, and completely devoid of Eleniak nudity. If you’re an Eleniak fan, watch Under Siege, Chasers or just dust the dried up cum balls away from your old Playboys instead. If you’re a fan of women in mental wards, grab yourself a copy of Clint Eastwood’s The Changeling.

A trailer for director Adam Green’s (Hatchet) survival-frightener Frozen has hit the web. The flick stars Emma Bell, Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead), and Shawn Ashmore (The Ruins).

The synopsis reads:

A typical day on the slopes turns into a chilling nightmare for three snowboarders when they get stranded on the chairlift before their last run. As the ski patrol switches off the night lights, they realize with growing panic that they’ve been left behind dangling high off the ground with no way down. With the resort closed until the following weekend and frostbite and hypothermia already setting in, the trio is forced to take desperate measures to escape off the mountain before they freeze to death. Once they make their move, they discover with horror that they have much more to fear than just the frigid cold. As they combat unexpected obstacles, they start to question if their will to survive is strong enough to overcome the worst ways to die.

Only white people would consider getting stuck on a ski lift as life-threatening. You honkies should try catching Frozen at the Magic Johnson theater opening weekend. Then we’ll talk “worst ways to die.”

Regardless, the trailer does look good. Check it out:

Like every executive at Fox, I still don’t understand why chronic masturbators moviegoers gave Jennifer’s Body the cold shoulder when it hit theaters back in September. Sure, it’s cheaper to just stay home and jerk off to nude Lindsay Lohan pics online. But, c’mon! If we don’t support movies starring hot chicks in skimpy outfits at the box office, then Hollywood starlets will stop getting naked and start looking like Charlize Theron in every movie since Monster.

Jennifer’s Body arrives on DVD and Blu-ray disc on Dec. 29. But, you can have a taste of the BTS action here:

Kids today have it easy. A simple click of the mouse and they can spy nude photos of their favorite tabloid stars. Things were a lot harder in my day. If I wanted to see Lindsay Lohan’s mouth-watering jugs back in 2007, I had no choice but to buy a ticket  to see the psychological-snoozer I Know Who Killed Me.

These days, however, Lohan can be seen showing off her goodies in numerous magazines. The following shots are outtakes form Muse magazine:

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