2010
02.15

Paris Hilton Is Busty Now!

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Paris Hilton (House of Wax, Repo! The Genetic Opera) was in Rio de Janeiro over the weekend to partake in the city’s Carnaval festivities and to promote Devassa beer. Now, I don’t know what they put in that Brazilian brew, but Hilton is looking quite busty in the photos that have surfaced.

Here’s hoping she eats a few more burritos to plump up her backside too.

Check out the pics:

2010
02.15

Confirmed: ‘Twilight’ Star Robert Pattinson Hates Vaginas

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The Twilight Saga star Robert Pattinson announces in the March issue of Details magazine (available Feb. 23) that he has a strong aversion to vaginas. In the interview, the 23-year-old cock-gobbler actor complains about having to be stuck at a photo shoot with nude fashion models.

He says:

I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.

In related news, millions of tween girls have now sewn up their pussies and are waiting to die.

Vaginas. Why did it have to be vaginas?

Vaginas. Why did it have to be vaginas?

I do wonder, however, if Pattinson has always hated vaginas or was it Kristen Stewart’s baby-hole that has him running scared? Judging from her slovenly appearance in media photos, I imagine she has Buckwheat in a headlock down there.

Check out the following pictures of Pattinson and the offending vaginas:

2010
02.15

Is Thora Birch a Part-Time Prostitute in Real Life?

ThoraBirch

Is busty actress Thora Birch a part-time prostitute in real life? An interesting blind item (translation: unconfirmed gossip) circulating the web seems to think so.

The rumor (originally posted on CDaN) hints:

This Golden Globe nominee/winner actress is probably C list. Despite the Golden Globe nod and being in one of the more famous movies of the past 20 years, she doesn’t get much attention. She does however have a very, very kinky sex life. She has been known to hire herself out as an escort for the night. She doesn’t do it for money. She does it for the thrill. She uses different photos in her ad and will throw on a wig when she goes to see the client. It probably would have stayed a secret except her loser ex-boyfriend who she supported has a big mouth.

According to those speculating on the site’s message board, the actress in question is most likely 27-year-old American Beauty starlet Thora Birch. The fact that TMZ hasn’t broke this story makes me think it’s crap, but the idea that Birch is renting out those fun bags is just too awesome to not jerk-of to think about.

American Beauties

American Beauties

Birch, whose parents were porn star degenerates during the ’70s (among their credits: Deep Throat), was nominated for a Golden Globe award for her performance in the 2001 dramedy Ghost World, costarring Scarlett Johansson. Since then, she has been slumming it in the straight-to-DVD market, appearing in Dark Corners, Train and the Brittany Murphy vehicle Deadline.

A 2007 Celebrity Gossip report provides a stroke-worthy disturbing aside to this story:

The American Beauty star was filming “The Winter of Frozen Dreams” when manager/father Jack Birch insisted on watching the filming of her sex scenes with Dean Winters. Even though it is industry standard to only film sex scenes on a closed set, Birch Sr. demanded to be present during the “getting freaky” times. Apparently the crew on the set was absolutely horrified.  “It was so wrong,” said one insider. “The director is saying, ‘Harder! Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up.

Hmm. Questionable parenting. Career in the dumps. Could this story be true?

(UPDATE: THORA BIRCH IS PROBABLY FUCKING HER CREEPY MANAGER DAD)

Thora

2010
02.15

Mall Rats Engage in Massive Lightsaber Battle Royal!

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Jedi and padawans engaged in a lightsaber battle royal this weekend at the Bristols Cabot Circus mall in Bristol, England. The event drew over 100 ____ (pick one: A. Virgins B. Misfits C. Super lucky Star Wars fans).

Check out the action:

This just looks like a freaking blast to me. Sadly, the British wankers participating are about as vicious as a group of nerf-herders. If I had been there, I would have totally unleashed Order 66 on their limey asses.

Want more Star Wars fun? Check out these Star Wars Strippers or learn about weather conditions in the SW galaxy here.