If some sadistic psycho told you that your wife and her lover were buried six feet under ground in a pine box with only 75-minutes worth of oxygen to breathe, would you risk your life to rescue the two-timing hussy or would you pour a bowl of Froot Loops and sit down to watch some HBO?
If you’re the cuckold clown in Kipp Tribble and Derik Wingo’s ridiculously plotted thriller Coffin, you do the former. Take a peep:
The film’s synopsis reads:
A masked stranger reveals to Jack that his estranged wife and her lover are buried underground in a wooden box and their oxygen will run out in 75 minutes. He must engage in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with the masked stranger in order to save his wife…and himself.
This film just makes no sense to me. What guy would ever save both his cheating wife’s life and that of the man fucking her? A more realistic scenario would have been to have the guy’s wife buried underground with his mistress.
Yes, they’d be upset upon meeting each other—but, after facing death, they’d surely be up for some three-way action with the guy who just pulled them away from death’s clutches. Now, that’s the kind of realism they just don’t teach kids at film school.
Coffin stars Kevin Sorbo (Sorority Party Massacre), Sunny Doench (Downloading Nancy), Bruce Davison (“Ghost Whisperer”), Moksha McPherrin (Catacombs), Johnny Alonso (”Dawson’s Creek”), Candace Kita (Barb Wire), Luke Barnett (”MANswers”), and Patrick Barnitt.
No word on a release date yet.