Guys, grab your little buddy. It’s time to take a three hour minute tour to the Island of Megan Fox. The gorgeous 25-year-old stars in an ad for Brazilian language school CCAA in which two male plane crash survivors wash up on an isle of Megan Fox clones.

Decked out in crochet bikini tops, loincloth skirts and fur shawls, the sexy clones welcome the men to their paradise, but are soon put off by their inability to speak English. Deemed worthless, the guys are then banished to the scary island of former heavy-weight champ and convicted rapist Mike Tyson.

Peep it:

Work on season two of the erotically-charged Cinemax anthology series “Femme Fatales” is well underway, but that didn’t keep its cast of babes from enjoying a day at Miami beach. Show narrator and host Tanit Phoenix was absent from the excursion, but will be back for the new season.

“Femme Fatales” tells the stories of dangerous women and women in peril pushed to the point of murder. The new season kicks off later this year and will reportedly include guest appearances by Vivica A. Fox (Independence Day), Robert Picardo (”Star Trek: Voyager”), Antonio Sabato, Jr. (Bad Girl Island), Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers) and Jeff Fahey (“LOST”).

Peep the pics:

[View with PicLens]

Jacob Burris, campaign manager for Arkansas Democratic congressional candidate Ken Aden, was the victim of political terrorism this week when he discovered his family’s cat slain and desecrated with the word “liberal” painted on its carcass.

Authorities don’t have any leads in the case, but “Vampire Diaries” heartthrob Ian Somerhalder has vowed to have the culprits caught and brought to justice (that thud you just heard was the sound of millions of panties hitting the ground).

Somerhalder tweets:

IF police do not or will not find party/parties responsible,I will start a PRIVATE INVESTIGATION into the matter. I sure many of you agree. One thing though—before I go into Mystic Fallsland. This kitty killed in Arkansas with LIBERAL scribed on it’s fur. THIS IS NOT OAKY (CONT).

let me know what you think… Lets get to the bottom of it. Whom ever it is should be prosecuted to full extent of law.

While I object to animal cruelty and applaud Somerhalder’s efforts to find the cat murderers, I do hope this serves as a wake up call to all pets harboring a political agenda: Keep your pro-choice and health care reform ideas to yourself!

Seriously, this is why I don’t line my parakeet’s cage with newspaper anymore. Keeps them from getting smart and plotting against me and my government (see AnimalsHateUs).

Kate Beckinsale has revealed that she and Jessica Biel engage in a no-holds barred cat-fight in director Len Wiseman’s upcoming remake of Paul Verhoeven’s 1990 sci-fi classic Total Recall. The British stunner, who can be seen this month in Screen Gems Underworld: Awakening, plays Lori Quaid.

She tells Collider:

I’m beating everyone up. Fighting with Colin [Farrell], fighting with Jessica [Biel]. The fight with Jessica is going to be great. I like the fact that it’s a proper fight.

It’s not two girls, and one of them, the shoulder is ripped off, and the bra comes out. It’s not like one of those stupid girl fights. It’s a proper fight.

Lori, if you recall, is wife to Doug Quaid, a man who is either a humble factory worker with a memory implant or a wanted super-spy. The part was memorably played in the original film by a then up-and-coming Sharon Stone.

While we all know a “proper fight” between attractive women should involve pillows, mud or Jell-O, Beckinsale’s fight scene with Biel, who plays resistance fighter Melina, sounds promising, especially by the looks of the wardrobe (click here and here).

Total Recall arrives in theaters on Aug. 3.

Horror fans will soon get a chance to see Katrina Bowden’s (”30 Rock”) bedside manner when she stars alongside Paz de la Huerta (”Boardwalk Empire”) in Lionsgate’s upcoming slasher Nurse 3-D. The 23-year-old stunner speaks about the role in the February issue of Maxim magazine.

She spills:

It’s definitely different from what I’ve done. It’s kind of like “Dexter” meets Single White Female. Paz de la Huerta and I are both nurses. But she’s a serial killer and she kind of becomes obsessed with me.

Bowden, who is featured on the magazine’s cover and in a sexy butt-cheek baring pictorial, recently wrapped Lionsgate’s Piranha 3-DD, due out later this year. She can also be seen in the hill-billy horror-comedy Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, now available on DVD and Blu-ray.

Nurse 3-D is directed by Douglas Aarniokoski (The Day) and costars Corbin Bleu (High School Musical), Boris Kodjoe (Resident Evil: Afterlife) and Adam Herschman (Bucky Larson).

Posted below is video of Bowden’s Maxim shoot. To see pics, visit their site.

It appears that after starring as Lois Lane on The CW’s long-running Superman series “Smallville,” Erica Durance is now ready to fight crime as a costumed superhero. The pretty 33-year-old Canadian actress will play a delusional vigilante who thinks she’s Wonder Woman on NBC’s David E. Kelly-produced lawyer dramedy “Harry’s Law.”

Set to premiere Jan. 11, the episode finds the Wonder Woman wannabe up on criminal charges and in need of counsel from Harriet Korn’s (Kathy Bates) Cincinnati-based law firm. Durance, who in the episode wears the costume originally designed for Adrianne Palicki in Kelly’s aborted “Wonder Woman” pilot, spoke to TV Guide about the character and outfit.

She says:

Having been in the comic world for a while now, I’m really very respectful of the people that love this character. I do take it very seriously.  As a side note, just to be light about it, any woman wearing tight pants is not super excited the first time she puts them on. [Laughs] I wasn’t exactly, you know, tight pants- or underwear-ready.

I’m very grateful for the pants. I know that people were very excited about the underwear and seeing them. To be quite frank, I don’t know if I could’ve done the underwear justice at this point in time and it might have been more upsetting for people to see me in them than to not, so I think the pants are a safe bet for me.

I’ll say it again. Wonder Woman in pants makes as much sense as having the Kool-Aid Man in a pair of cargos.

Durance, who played Lois Lane on “Smallville” for 10 seasons, has got a few genre creds under her belt, namely the 2002 indie Canadian frightener Sasquatch, Uwe Boll’s 2003 movie adaptation of Sega’s zombie shoot’em up House of the Dead, and the 2006 New Line sequel Butterfly Effect 2.

She’s also guest starred on the TV shows “Stargate SG-1,” “Tru Calling,” and “Andromeda.”

Looks like whatever smoke David Fincher blew up Rooney Mara’s ass to get her naked for his American redo of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has finally gone to her head. The 26-year-old has been poo-pooing all over her previous non-Fincher projects, including Platinum Dunes’ 2010 remake of Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street in which she starred as Nancy Holbrook.

She tells Entertainment Weekly Magazine:

Sometimes you don’t want to get something, but you do a really good job and you get it anyway. That’s kind of [what happened] with A Nightmare on Elm Street. I didn’t really even want it. And then I went in [to audition], and I was like, ‘Fuck. I definitely got that.

I was like, this isn’t what I signed up for. If this is what my opportunities are going to be like, then I’m not that interested in acting. So I was very discouraged and disheartened. And then I got the Social Network script. That kind of re-inspired me.

Funny, but I don’t remember Mara in The Social Network at all. I do, however, remember the hot Asian chick that sets Andrew Garfield’s scarf on fire.

Those who thought actress Paz de la Huerta couldn’t get more naked than she does on HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire” and Lionsgate’s upcoming slasher Nurse 3-D are in for a shock when they see her exposed balloon-knot in shots taken by famed celebrity photographer Mark Squires.

Squires, whose camera must be made of cocaine, has captured the 27-year-old starlet in a variety of boob, bush, labia, and butthole baring poses that would even make Sasha Grey blush. It’s pretty raunchy stuff.

But, don’t worry. The pics are in black and white and there’s a cigarette in a few. That makes it all art. If your wife or girlfriend disagrees, just tell her she’s being ignorant and offer to enroll her in a photography class at the local community college.

Peep the hard stuff here.

It’s that time of year when horror sites like to put together their list of Christmas themed frighteners. Unfortunately, once you’ve seen one site’s list, you’ve seen them all. That’s why at Clatto we like to approach things differently—usually from behind with a little chloroform.

What follows is our list of the 12 hottest babes found in Christmas themed horror films. Some of the actresses picked perform nude in their films; some don’t. The only criteria that matters is that they put a little jingle in your bells.

Merry Christmas, you heathens!

12. LINNEA QUIGLEY (SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT)

Scream queen icon Linnea Quigley was in her mid-twenties when she played naughty girl Denise in the beloved 1984 holiday classic Silent Night, Deadly Night. The movie, which follows a murderous Santa out to slaughter all who have been bad, but in particular nude young women and the men who screw them, finds Quigley dying one of horror’s most memorable deaths.

Quigley, wearing nothing but a pair of skintight LEE jean cut-offs, is in the throes of passion with her boyfriend when Billy, the aforementioned serial-killing ST. Nick, spies them and decides punishment is needed. He impales her topless body on the antlers of a mounted deer head. It’s a brutally violent death, but one made easier to take thanks to Quigley’s spectacular breasts.

11.  SALLI ELISE RICHARDSON-WHITFIELD (I Am Legend)

Salli Elise Richardson-Whitfield, best known for her role as DoD agent Allison Blake on Syfy’s “Eureka” series, plays Will Smith’s ill-fated wife Zoe in Warner Bros. 2007 film adaptation of author Richard Matheson’s zombie-apocalypse novel “I Am Legend.”

Set in Manhattan on Christmas Eve during a deadly viral outbreak, the Francis Lawrence-directed film sees Richardson-Whitfield’s character perish in a tragic helicopter extraction accident. Alice Braga steps in as Smith’s love interest, but—like the movie itself—fails to hold one’s interest.

Richardson-Whitfield’s role is small and nudity-free, but the milfy stunner is just too hot to not make this list.

10. KIM BASINGER (WHILE SHE WAS OUT)

Speaking of milfs … While She Was Out stars a 55-year-old Kim Basinger as an abused housewife whose trip to purchase wrapping paper on Christmas Eve leads to her witnessing a parking lot murder. On the run from the four young hooligans responsible, she ventures off into the woods where she discovers that her vagina and a roadside flare can be useful survival tools.

Basinger looks fantastic and her acting chops make the 2008 direct-to-video revenge-thriller all the more intense, especially during a cat-and-mouse with bad boy Lukas Haas, who thinks he’s going to score himself some cougar cooch, but ends up with face-full of flare (if we only had a quarter for every time that happens … right, fellas?).

9. EMILE DE RAVIN (SANTA’S SLAY)

Santa’s Slay re-imagines the jolly fat one as a demon spawn who massacred people on Christmas day up until 1005 A.D., when he lost a bet to an archangel and was forced to give gifts to those on earth for a 1000 years.

Set in the year 2005, the Brett Ratner-produced film follows Claus as he once again spreads some “Yuletide fear.”

Emilie De Ravin, best known for her role as Claire Littleton on ABC’s “LOST,” stars in the comedy-slasher as Mary Mackenzie, a small town girl who teams up with her 16-year-old coworker and his grandfather to fight the killer Claus.

The sexy 29-year-old Aussie sadly keeps her figure under wraps, but first-time director David Steiman makes up for it by including nude stripper boobs and hmm-worthy Fran Drescher cleavage shots in the flick.

8. EMILY BLUNT (WIND CHILL)

Wind Chill stars British stunner Emily Blunt as a northeastern college coed catching a ride home for Christmas with a creepy schoolmate—played by “Revenge” star Ashton Holmes—who, unbeknownst to her, has had his eye on her all semester.

After a shortcut through the woods leads to an auto accident, the duo end up stranded in 30-below weather. To make matters worse, they appear to be surrounded by spirits that died in the area during a tragic event in the ’50s.

Being that this story takes place in freezing weather, don’t expect to see Blunt in a two-piece. The pretty brunette is bundled up tight the entire movie.

7. AMBER SMITH (DEAD END)

Amber Smith is a former Sports Illustrated and Playboy model who has no qualms about going nude for a role. In the 2003 ghost thriller Dead End, she plays a shapely specter in a white dress who haunts the Harrington family as they drive through the woods on their way to a Christmas dinner.

When she appears to son Richard Harrington, a junkie and chronic masturbator, during a road stop, she drops her dress to reveal what would be a heavenly nude body if she weren’t  so damn evil. She kisses Richard softly before biting his lower lip off (good thing he hadn’t ask for a blow job).

6. LACEY CHABERT (BLACK CHRISTMAS)

“Party of Five” starlet Lacey Chabert (she was Claudia, the youngest of the Salinger clan) made her horror film debut in Dimension Films’ 2006 remake of the 1974 Canadian slasher Black Christmas.

The now 29-year-old brunette plays Dana, a bitchy sorority girl who meets her brutal end at the hands of an escaped mental patient named Billy Edward Lenz. It’s a small part, but it’s cool to see how much Chabert has grown (::cough::big boobs:::).

5. ADRIANNE PALICKI (LEGION)

The 2010 Scott Stewart-directed end-of-days thriller Legion finds “Friday Night Lights” star Adrianne Palicki playing a pregnant, small town waitress who discovers that her unborn child is the messiah that will save mankind from armageddon on Christmas Eve.

Palicki gained weight for the role and it shows on her cheeks, which look adorably pinch-able. She was also strapped with an 8-lb. belly to give the illusion that she was ready to drop, which she does on Christmas Day during a gas station battle with supernaturally possessed peeps.

Despite the baby bump and chipmunk cheeks, Palicki looks radiant and almost makes the risk of raising some  entitled slacker for 18-years worth taking. Almost.

4. PHOEBE CATES (GREMLINS)

Phoebe Cates followed nude turns in raunchy sex comedies Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Private School with the more wholesome role of Kate Beringer in the darkly funny 1984 Joe Dante-directed blockbuster Gremlins.

Though Gremlins marked the beginning of less naked roles for Cates, it’s hard not to picture the former model in her red Fast Times bikini … even during her now infamous “another reason to hate Christmas” story:

3. KATIE CASSIDY (BLACK CHRISTMAS)

Katie Cassidy, daughter to ’70s teen idol David Cassidy, scored her first lead role in Dimension Films much maligned 2006 Black Christmas remake.  The Cali-born looker plays Kelli Presley, Delta Alpha Kappa’s newest pledge and the only hottie with the wits to take on the escaped lunatic murdering her sorority sisters.

Critics and remake haters alike took a massive shit on this redo when it was first released, citing stale dialogue and lack of creativity as its primary offenses. But, with a cast that includes Cassidy and a bevy of gorgeous babes, it’s apparent those people are fags.

2. SHANON ELIZABETH (JACK FROST)

Before revealing her natural talents to mainstream movie audiences in the runaway hit comedy American Pie, Shannon Elizabeth courted horny horror fans with an outrageous nude shower scene in 1997’s cult-fav Jack Frost, her feature film debut.

The Texas-born stunner plays Jill Metzner, an unfortunate victim of serial killing snowman Jack Frost. Frost murders Jill in the shower, but not before raping her with the carrot he uses for a nose.

1. RACHEL NICHOLS (P2)

P2 stars Rachel Nichols as Angela Bridges, an attractive businesswoman held captive in the underground parking structure of her Manhattan office by the building’s creepy security guard. Armed with just a fire axe and a clingy, wet dress, Nichols embarks on a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse with the homicidal stalker.

Written and produced by Alexandre Aja, the Summit Entertainment release is a taut Christmas Eve thriller that features an emotionally intense performance from Nichols and plenty of eye-popping stunts from her large, magnificent breasts (i.e. jumping, running, bouncing).

Details for the Ridley Scott-directed, Damon Lindelof-scripted Prometheus have been scarce. Up until now, all that’s known about the project, which serves as a stand-alone companion piece to Scott’s 1979 classic Alien, is that it involves a team of scientists stranded on a planet with hostile inhabitants.

But, now, Academy Award-winning actress Charlize Theron is shedding a little light on the movie. She tells Total Film:

I actually don’t play the heroine in it; that’s Noomi Rapace. I play somewhat of a villain in it. She’s not a believer, she’s not a scientist, she is the red tape that everyone has to go through.

She’s working with the company that’s sponsoring this whole thing, and you can feel she definitely has an agenda, which we pick up in the third act. She’s more quiet thunder.

Actually … she’s Paul Reiser.

Prometheus is Scott’s first work of horror since 2001’s Hannibal. The film costars Michael Fassbender (X-Men: First Class), Idris Elba (Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance) and Guy Pearce (Lockout).

Prometheus will be in theaters on June 8, 2012.