By the time you finish reading this post, Spanish filmmaker Miguel Angel Fabre will most likely have been struck by lightening, grown painful boils all over his body, or at least lost a cow or two. The director’s controversial new film The Sindone presents the second coming of Jesus with a sci-fi twist.

The story revolves around a Cardinal determined to control the second coming of Christ by utilizing DNA from the holy Shroud of Turin to clone a new Jesus. The experiment is a success and the Cardinal places the Christ child in the care of a Catholic family not privy to his plans. When Jesus performs a miracle of great significance at the age of eight, he immediately captures the interest of the public. Realizing that he must keep Jesus under wraps for the sake of his experiment, the Cardinal must attempt to abduct the boy from his family, which has taken flight.

I have to admit that I’m intrigued by this premise. BUT … I also think it would play well as a comedy. Imagine how funny it would be if instead of one Jesus being cloned, there were 5 or 6 or 20? Think Multiplicity meets The Passion of the Christ.

But, I digress.

The Sindone stars Ciro Miro as Jesus Christ, Vanesa Romero as Maria, Miguel Molina as Judas Tadeo, and Veronica Mengod as Maria Magdalena. Also making an appearance in the film is scandalous Spanish porn star and model Maria Lapiedra.

Lapiedra rose to fame in Spain shortly after a staged prank left her naked on a popular televised talk show.

Lapiedra has since gone on to perform in a hand-full of amateur porn films and has been featured in numerous men’s magazines, including Spanish FHM.

This is busty British model/actress Kelly Brook posing in an homage to Indiana Jones for Sky Movies. Brook is definitely someone horror fans should keep an eye on (which, really, shouldn’t be hard to do). The gorgeous 30-year-old costars in director Alexandre Aja’s highly anticipated creature-feature Piranha 3-D.

Noticeable talent

Brook plays a vacationing coed out for fun at an Arizona resort town. Unfortunately, the nearby lake is soon overrun by piranha. A remake of Joe Dante’s 1978 original, Piranha 3-D stars Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Jerry O’Connell, Richard Dreyfus, Dina Meyer, and porn performer Riley Steele. The film is said to include lots of nudity and gore.

Kelly goes motorboating with porn chick Riley Steele

Piranha 3-D is slated for an April 2010 release.

Robert Rodriguez’s Predators will be rated R says director Nimrod Antal in an exclusive interview with Coming Soon. The announcement lays to rest the rumors that the sci-fi actioner would be shot for a PG-13 rating to cash in on the kid demographic. Antal also promises that the film will not be CGI-heavy.

He says:

the original film was as good as it was because of the practical, because it was a guy in a suit, because it was the jungle, so we stay true to that. We were in Hawaii for a month in the jungle, so there’s going to be some pretty impressive locations … I think that the fans who may have been underwhelmed by the last two AVP films, I think they’re in for a very pleasant surprise …

Fans were surprised a few months ago with the casting of girly-men Adrien Brody (King Kong, The Village) and Topher Grace (Spiderman 3) in lead roles, a far cry from the buffed-out, bad-asses of 1987’s Predator, namely Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, and Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

Antal explains:

I think when we cast Adrian, there were a lot of people going, ‘What?’ but at the same time, if we cast a Vin Diesel in that role or if we cast anyone who is Arnold-esque, we would have been attacked for doing that. So we decided early on to go in a very different direction as far as the casting process, but it turned out fantastic. He plays a mercenary in the film and if you look at the guys in Iraq and Afghanistan today, they’re not ‘yolked-out’ Schwarzenegger-looking guys. They’re all very wiry and thin guys, and I think it’s going to play well.

In all fairness, the cast does include bad motherfuckers Walton Goggins (“The Shield,” House of 1000 Corpses), Derek Mears (plays Jason in Platinum Dunes’ Friday the 13th reboot) , and Rodriguez go-to tough guy Danny Trejo (Machete, From Dusk Till Dawn).

Rodriguez’s Troublemaker Studios is producing Predators for Twentieth Century Fox. The film is slated for release on July 9, 2010.