2009
11.29

Spanish Porn Star Maria Lapiedra In Jesus-Cloning Thriller ‘The Sindone’

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By the time you finish reading this post, Spanish filmmaker Miguel Angel Fabre will most likely have been struck by lightening, grown painful boils all over his body, or at least lost a cow or two. The director’s controversial new film The Sindone presents the second coming of Jesus with a sci-fi twist.

The story revolves around a Cardinal determined to control the second coming of Christ by utilizing DNA from the holy Shroud of Turin to clone a new Jesus. The experiment is a success and the Cardinal places the Christ child in the care of a Catholic family not privy to his plans. When Jesus performs a miracle of great significance at the age of eight, he immediately captures the interest of the public. Realizing that he must keep Jesus under wraps for the sake of his experiment, the Cardinal must attempt to abduct the boy from his family, which has taken flight.

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I have to admit that I’m intrigued by this premise. BUT … I also think it would play well as a comedy. Imagine how funny it would be if instead of one Jesus being cloned, there were 5 or 6 or 20? Think Multiplicity meets The Passion of the Christ.

But, I digress.

The Sindone stars Ciro Miro as Jesus Christ, Vanesa Romero as Maria, Miguel Molina as Judas Tadeo, and Veronica Mengod as Maria Magdalena. Also making an appearance in the film is scandalous Spanish porn star and model Maria Lapiedra.

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Lapiedra rose to fame in Spain shortly after a staged prank left her naked on a popular televised talk show.

Lapiedra has since gone on to perform in a hand-full of amateur porn films and has been featured in numerous men’s magazines, including Spanish FHM.

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2009
11.29

Model/ Actress Kelly Brook Poses as Indy, Stars in ‘Piranha 3-D’

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This is busty British model/actress Kelly Brook posing in an homage to Indiana Jones for Sky Movies. Brook is definitely someone horror fans should keep an eye on (which, really, shouldn’t be hard to do). The gorgeous 30-year-old costars in director Alexandre Aja’s highly anticipated creature-feature Piranha 3-D.

Noticeable talent

Noticeable talent

Brook plays a vacationing coed out for fun at an Arizona resort town. Unfortunately, the nearby lake is soon overrun by piranha. A remake of Joe Dante’s 1978 original, Piranha 3-D stars Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Jerry O’Connell, Richard Dreyfus, Dina Meyer, and porn performer Riley Steele. The film is said to include lots of nudity and gore.

Kelly goes motorboating with porn chick Riley Steele

Kelly goes motorboating with porn chick Riley Steele

Piranha 3-D is slated for an April 2010 release.

2009
11.29

Director Nimrod Antal Talks About ‘Robert Rodriguez’s Predators’

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Robert Rodriguez’s Predators will be rated R says director Nimrod Antal in an exclusive interview with Coming Soon. The announcement lays to rest the rumors that the sci-fi actioner would be shot for a PG-13 rating to cash in on the kid demographic. Antal also promises that the film will not be CGI-heavy.

He says:

the original film was as good as it was because of the practical, because it was a guy in a suit, because it was the jungle, so we stay true to that. We were in Hawaii for a month in the jungle, so there’s going to be some pretty impressive locations … I think that the fans who may have been underwhelmed by the last two AVP films, I think they’re in for a very pleasant surprise …

Fans were surprised a few months ago with the casting of girly-men Adrien Brody (King Kong, The Village) and Topher Grace (Spiderman 3) in lead roles, a far cry from the buffed-out, bad-asses of 1987’s Predator, namely Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, and Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

Antal explains:

I think when we cast Adrian, there were a lot of people going, ‘What?’ but at the same time, if we cast a Vin Diesel in that role or if we cast anyone who is Arnold-esque, we would have been attacked for doing that. So we decided early on to go in a very different direction as far as the casting process, but it turned out fantastic. He plays a mercenary in the film and if you look at the guys in Iraq and Afghanistan today, they’re not ‘yolked-out’ Schwarzenegger-looking guys. They’re all very wiry and thin guys, and I think it’s going to play well.

In all fairness, the cast does include bad motherfuckers Walton Goggins (“The Shield,” House of 1000 Corpses), Derek Mears (plays Jason in Platinum Dunes’ Friday the 13th reboot) , and Rodriguez go-to tough guy Danny Trejo (Machete, From Dusk Till Dawn).

Rodriguez’s Troublemaker Studios is producing Predators for Twentieth Century Fox. The film is slated for release on July 9, 2010.

2009
11.28

The Dark Side of Reading: ‘Star Wars: Death Troopers’

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Someone is killing your favorite Star Wars characters. No, it’s not George Lucas again. This time around, the culprit is Joe Schreiber, author of Star Wars: Death Troopers. This looks like the greatest book ever.

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The synopsis reads:

When the Imperial prison barge Purge–temporary home to five hundred of the galaxy’s most ruthless killers, rebels, scoundrels, and thieves–breaks down in a distant, uninhabited part of space, its only hope appears to lie with a Star Destroyer found drifting, derelict, and seemingly abandoned. But when a boarding party from the Purge is sent to scavenge for parts, only half of them come back–bringing with them a horrific disease so lethal that within hours nearly all aboard the Purge die in ways too hideous to imagine.

And death is only the beginning.

The Purge’s half-dozen survivors–two teenage brothers, a sadistic captain of the guards, a couple of rogue smugglers, and the chief medical officer, the lone woman on board–will do whatever it takes to stay alive. But nothing can prepare them for what lies waiting aboard the Star Destroyer amid its vast creaking emptiness that isn’t really empty at all. For the dead are rising: soulless, unstoppable, and unspeakably hungry.

Schreiber is the author of the horror novels Chasing the Dark, Eat the Dark, and No Doors, No Windows.

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2009
11.28

‘Silent Hill’ Writer Roger Avary Tweets Himself to the Slammer!

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Silent Hill and Pulp Fiction scribe Roger Avary has better keep an eye on his holiest of holies. The Oscar-winning writer has been taken out of a work furlough program and locked up in a California jail to serve the remainder of his one-year sentence for a DUI accident that left his passenger dead and his wife injured.

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Avary was sentenced in September to one year in jail and five years probation. A processing error, however, placed the 44-year-old in a work furlough program, where he was allowed to keep a day job and only required to bunk with fellow program members on nights and weekends. Unfortunately for Avary, his compulsive 12-year-old girl-like tweeting habit alerted authorities to the mistake. He was moved to California’s Ventura County jail yesterday.

Tweeting as @avary and referring to himself as #34, Avary updated followers with Tweets such as:

#34’s new roomie, EZ, takes YeYo’s old bunk, locker, AND number. He regales awesome tales about his former life as an Oxnard gangbanger.

and:

Wash Day! The ‘clean sheets’ reek from the nut sweat of a thousand men. Pubes & hair must be peeled off before making your bunk.

Avary’s last tweet stated:

34 is rolled up to a ‘higher security’ facility for exercising his first amendment rights. The truth he has discovered is too dangerous.

Ventura County sheriff’s spokesman Capt. Ross Bonifiglio has denied that Avary’s tweeting led to the incarceration, simply citing security issues as a key factor.

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Avary had signed on to write a sequel to Davis Films’ Silent Hill in September. It’s unclear if he’s still on board to do so. Silent Hill was distributed by TriStar and earned $47 million domestically in 2006. The surreal and creepy frightener is based on the critically-acclaimed Konami video game of the same name.

2009
11.27

‘The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader’ Wrapped Shooting Today!

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The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader finished shooting today in Australia. The fantasy-adventure film now enters a lengthy post production period before sailing into theaters on Dec. 10, 2010. Twentieth Century Fox is set to distribute.

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Voyage of the Dawn Treader finds Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and Lucy Pevensie (Georgie Henley) and their cousin Eustace Scrubb (Will Poulter) joining Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) and his noble mouseketeer Reepicheep (Eddie Izzard) on the high seas on a mission to find Narnia’s seven lost Lords. Along the way they will encounter a variety of enchanted creatures and battle against evil slave traders, dragons, and storms.

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Voyage of the Dawn Treader is directed by Michael Apted (Enough, Extreme Measures) and features Liam Neeson (After.Life, Phantom Menace) as the voice of Asian, the Lion creator of Narnia. The first two films in the Narnia saga, 2005’s The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and 2008’s The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, were distributed by Walt Disney Films.

The Chronicles of Narnia is a series of children novels written by Christian author C.S. Lewis.

2009
11.27

3 New ‘Wolfman’ Posters!

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Universal Pictures released three new posters for their upcoming reboot of the classic werewolf movie The Wolfman. The film stars Benicio Del Toro in the lead role and Emily Blunt as his love interest.

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The Wolfman is directed by Joe Johnston and costars Hugo Weaving and Anthony Hopkins. The film arrives in theaters on Feb. 12.

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2009
11.27

‘Family Guy’ Releases Trailer for ‘Empire Strikes Back’ Spoof

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Fox has released a trailer for “Family Guy’s” new Empire Strikes Back parody “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side.” The hour-long episode will be available on DVD and Blu-ray disc on Dec. 22.

Family Guy creator Seth Macfarlane said making the episode was:

a lot of work, and it’s mainly because of what the movie was, and how visually impressive the movie was,” MacFarlane says. “If you look at the storyboards that our artists did for the episode, they could be the storyboards from the film. So in many ways, it’s like you’re remaking the Empire Strikes Back, which is a challenge.

“Family Guy” first spoofed the Star Wars saga in 2007 with its sixth season opener “Blue Harvest.”

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2009
11.26

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Bon Appetit, Blogsuckers,

Have I got a special Thanksgiving Day treat for you: an exclusive interview with Mr. & Mrs. Muki, founders of the girl-gobbling gourmet site MukisKitchen.com. The site has been around for 10 years and serves up plenty of succulent nude babes in erotically-charged cannibalistic scenarios. It’s an acquired taste for sure, but one that I think you’ll find intriguing.

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Clatto: How did Muki’s Kitchen come to fruition?

Mr. Muki: To tell the truth, having a fetish as odd and dark as this can be very lonely.

Mrs. Muki: When we first discovered that Mr Muki was not alone in his cannibal fantasies (via Usenet–the World Wide Web was not up yet), most of the stuff we saw online consisted of stories, some drawings, and a few photo-manipulations. The photo-mainpulations were kind of interesting but they mostly consisted of a pin-up image of some naked girl, cut out and pasted into a fake tray or some other cooking situation.

Well by this time, Mr Muki had already photographed me in turkey-like poses and had also photographed an art-model in even more explicit shots. He was already a professional photographer, with his own studio, and had done work in special effects for low-budget motion pictures. In short, there was probably no one more qualified to do the very kinds of pictures that the cannibal fetishists would most enjoy. While exploring what was out there, we started thinking about how like-minded fetishists would react to the images we had already made, if only they could see them! This is what got us thinking that we might just have something if we only put the effort into building a site.

Clatto: These fantasies are extremely provocative. Do you worry that people won’t get it? Or, that it may encourage violence towards women?

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Mr. Muki: When we first started planning Muki’s Kitchen, the thought that someone might take it as a blueprint for criminal acts was most definitely our main concern. Fortunately, we hit upon the perfect “tone” for our site. Humor is definitely a large part of how we handle the “dark side” of what we do. You really can’t take any of this too seriously and the more you relax and have fun with it, the healthier it will be for you!

Mrs. Muki: Some of our most ardent fans are women. We emphasize fantasy in our visuals as well as our writing. All of our pictures are strictly of women, playing both the chefs and the entrees. Mr. Muki completely identifies with women, whether they’re the chefs or the entrees, and we feel that this is a large part of our site’s appeal to women.

Think about it, a lot of sexual fantasy is all about tension. The girl who is playing the chef almost certainly empathizes with the girl who she is preparing as the entree; only a very thin thread of luck separates the chef from suddenly being the entree. If you put yourself in either place, you are very close to being the other. As weird as it may seem, Mr. Muki completely identifies with both places and his male-self does not even exist in his own sexual fantasies!

Mr. Muki: While the literal concept of cannibalism does indeed have a very violent implication to it, the symbolic side of it is all about making the object of your affections a complete and permanent part of yourself. Yes, the physical reality of it is that the person you eat will eventually be pooped out of your butt, but we don’t really concentrate on that part all too much. If you look at the more infantile and ethereal side of it all, a “consuming passion” actually makes a lot of sense!

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Clatto: Do the models understand the fetish?

Mr. Muki: When we started our site, our biggest worry was how we would get models to pose as meat. We need not have worried so much. Some of our very biggest fans are the very models who pose for us! Maybe it’s just that what we do is so different from what they are usually asked to do, but we also credit our very professional approach and the fact that we always strive to make our models look their very best, i.e. sexy & delicious!

Clatto: Is being consumed the ultimate experience for a submissive female?

Mr. Muki: For many of our female fans, and a few models, yes. Think of all of the attention that a Thanksgiving turkey gets when being cooked and served. Wouldn’t all that attention be appealing? Can you just imagine, being a sexy woman, how it would feel knowing that your cooked body would be so appreciated? Okay, we’re probably getting a little carried away here. But, the point is that a true sub wants to completely submit to her master and to be completely satisfying. Is there any more ultimate submission than to be cooked, served, and eaten?

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Mrs. Muki: In all seriousness, one of the fascinating appeals of this silly little fetish is the thought that the girl who is the entree is completely beyond any feelings of shame or modesty. The fact that she is being served on a platter, with her legs folded up above her, and her crotch and backside completely exposed, is a small issue compared to being eaten! This is what we try to express in our photos and what our fans seem to like the most.

Clatto: If you could cook up a celebrity babe, who would you choose and how would you serve her?

Mr. Muki: How about Scarlett Johansson? Scarlett, if you are reading this, please accept this as a compliment. We wish you no harm and are only saying that you certainly do look absolutely delicious! You just can’t serve Scarlett wrong; we’ll eat her up any way she’s served.

Clatto: Is the human liver really served best with fava beans and a nice Chianti?

Mr. Muki: We are not so much into guts and prefer a nice rump-roast. As for side dishes, sauteed onions are our favorites. Regarding choice of wine (and not meaning to cast aspersions on Hannibal’s choices), Chianti is a little low class. If a woman is willing to sacrifice her ass for our meal, she deserves at least a fine Opus One, preferably a 1995!

2009
11.26

The 5 Most Diabolical Dinner Parties in Horror!

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Ah, Thanksgiving. The time of year when we all get together with family and give thanks that we got the fuck away when we did. So what if we had to do questionable things in truck stop bathrooms to get by. The point is we got out! It is in that spirit that I present to you Clatto’s Top 5 Diabolical Dinner Parties:

5. DEAD ALIVE – “CUSTARD WITH MUM”

Oscar-winner Peter Jackson is revered by the masses as the esteemed director of The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, and The Lovely Bones. But, to gore-geeks, he is the twisted fuck behind such over-the-top gross-out fare as Bad Taste, Meet the Feebles, and the 1992 zombie-themed cult-fav Dead Alive. The “Custard with Mum” scene (as I call it) finds our protagonist Lionel Cosgrove hosting supper with his “rat-monkey” virus infected mother (Elizabeth Moody).

4. ROPE – “LATE FOR DINNER”

Horror legend Alfred Hitchcock didn’t need gore to disturb audiences. Loosely based on a true story, 1948’s Rope centers on two well-to-do University students in Manhattan who decide to murder their classmate named David just to see if they can get away with it.  But, the diabolical due don’t stop there. They stuff the dead body into an antique wooden chest, drape it over with a tablecloth, set candles and appetizers on top of it, and invite the deceased’s friends and family over for a dinner party! Watching the guests ask “where’s David” throughout the film always triggers groans and head shakes from viewers.

3. APOCALYPTO – “WOULD YOU LIKE BALLS WITH THAT?”

Know that feeling of dread you get around the dinner table when everyone is digging into some pumpkin pie, but your wife has set aside some low-carb, sugar-free bowl of sawdust for you to eat because you’ve gained a few too many pounds and could fall into a diabetic coma at any minute? That’s kind of what happens to Blunted when his tribe is divvying up their tapir dinner at the beginning of Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto. As the only male in the group to not have produced offspring, he’s told he must eat balls if he wants to be fertile. Of course, the whole thing is one big joke. Sound familiar, fat boy?

2. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE – “IT’S ALL RELATIVE”

Marilyn Burns (Helter Skelter) is the guest of honor in Tobe Hooper’s classic 1974 cannibal horror-fest The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Memorable for its numerous scenes of brutality, the dinner table finale ranks as one of the most disturbing and surreal moments in horror cinema. The unrelenting torment Burn’s character Sally suffers through works on our nerves so thoroughly it induces some serious asshole-clenching fright. Kinda like my brother’s vegan wife’s tofu dishes.

1. ALIVE – “SO, WHAT’S FOR DINNER?”

Director Frank Marshall’s 1993 film Alive tells the true tragic tale of the 1972 Andes flight disaster that forced survivors to eat their dead to stay (say it with me) alive! The acting in the flick is a little stiff … but, when you realize that this really happened, it makes it the most diabolical dinner party ever. The only thing worse would be to have to eat vegetables.

And, don’t forget to check out these lists:

The 20 Hottest Women Working in Horror/Sci-Fi Today: Part Two (#10-thr-#1)

The 20 Hottest Women Working in Horror/Sci-Fi Today: Part One (#20-thru-#11)

The 11 Sexiest Maneater Babes in Horror/Sci-fi

The 10 Hottest Horror/Sci-Fi Babes of the Past Decade

12 Heroes in Horror/Sci-fi That Won’t Make You Feel Like an Asshole

15 Vampire Movies That Won’t Make You Gay