So, I was going to spend 4-20 on my couch eating Cheetos and getting high, but then I realized I don’t smoke pot. I also noticed that there is no special day set aside for recreational meth consumption. How unfair is that?

Needless to say, there’s no reason for me to slack off on my blogging duties. That said, I do have news that most tokers will appreciate: writer-director Leigh Scott (Flu Bird Horror) is adding a new chapter to the “Wizard of Oz” story by author L. Frank Baum (MGM’s 1939 film adaptation is a beloved stoner-cinema classic).

Peep it:

Dorothy and the Witches of Oz finds Dorothy Gale living in New York City as a successful author of children’s books. When the Wicked Witch of the West shows up in Times Square, Dorothy realizes that the inspiration for her stories have comes from a series of repressed childhood memories, and that she must now once again face off against evil.

The film’s cast includes Paulie Rojas (pictured above), horror icons Lance Henriksen (Pumpkinhead) and Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator), Jason Mewes (Clerks), Billy Boyd (Lord of the Rings), Mia Sara (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) and Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future) as The Wizard of Oz.

No word yet on how well this movie will synch up to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”

Shiloh Fernandez (Deadgirl) has been cast as Amanda Seyfried’s (Chloe) love interest in Warner Bros’ The Girl with the Red Riding Hood, a romantic re-imaging of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale “Little Red Riding Hood.”

Fernandez will play a young, orphaned woodcutter named Peter who strikes up a romance with Seyfried in a small medieval village that is under attack by a werewolf.

Fernandez reportedly auditioned for the part seven times before finally nailing the gig. No word yet on whether his character is the fim’s lycan.

The Girl with the Red Riding Hood is produced by Leonardo DiCaprio, written by David Johnson (Orphan), and directed by Catherine Hardwicke (Twilight).

CBS Films has released the first official trailer for Beastly, its upcoming “Beauty and the Beast” re-imagining starring Vanessa Hudgens and British newcomer Alex Pettyfer.

Beastly is based on author Alex Flinn’s book of the same name and tells the story of an arrogant high schooler (Pettyfer) whose face is made to look like R&B artist Seal after he pisses off the school’s goth-chick who happens to be a witch. To break the spell, he must make nerdy-hipster classmate Lindy (Hudgens) fall in love with him before the year is through.

The film is directed by Daniel Barnz (Phoebe in Wonderland) and costars Neil Patrick Harris, May-Kate Olson, Peter Krause, Lisa Gay Hamilton, and Dakota Johnson (daughter to Don Johnson & Melanie Griffith). It arrives in theaters on July 30.

AnnaLynne McCord was recently photographed in Hermosa Beach showing off her yellow bikini, playing volleyball, and … tongue kissing her sister Angel (beats reading mystery novels).

Best known for her role as Naomi Clark on Fox’s new “90210” series, McCord has starred in the horror flicks The Haunting of Molly Hartley and the 2008 remake of George Romero’s Day of the Dead.

AnnaLynne McCord gets lippy!

McCord will next star in director Alex Wright’s werewolf-thriller Two Wolves as a detective investigating a disfigured guide-dog trainer after some poor blind bastards end up torn to shreds.

To see another set of incestuous sisters, check out Elise & Electra Avellan here.

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“True Blood” star Alexander Skarsgard was physically restrained by police at the Coachella Music & Arts festival this past weekend after threatening to beat down an aggressive photographer who insisted on taking shots of him and girlfriend Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns).

Skarsgard, who plays vampire sheriff Eric Northman on the hit HBO series, lost his temper when the paparazzo ignored his requests to stop taking pictures, disrupting the couple’s concert-going experience. Police responded to the brouhaha and managed to calm the 23-year-old actor without further incident.

Two reasons why we still know who Kate Bosworth is.

If I had to stand through three days of mind-numbingly terrible music played by hundreds of Nirvana wannabe garage bands just to get some anal from Kate Bosworth, I’d be pretty short-fused too.

Thandie Newton (2012) joins Hayden Christensen (Star Wars: Attack of the Clones), John Leguizamo (The Happening), and pretty 24-year-old newcomer Jordan Trovillion in director Brad Anderson’s (Session 9) post-apocalyptic chiller The Vanishing on 7th Street.

Check out the trailer:

The film’s synopsis reads:

A mysterious and seemingly global blackout causes countless populations to simply vanish, leaving only their clothes and possessions behind. A small handful of survivors band together in a dimly-lit tavern on 7th Street, struggling to combat the apocalyptic horror. Realizing they may in fact be the last people on earth, the darkness hones in on them alone.

If I survived the apocalypse, I’d shack up at the local bar too. Good to see Anderson is keeping things real.

The Vanishing on 7th Street is currently in post production. Up next for Newton is the viral outbreak thriller Retreat.

Producer Adrian Askarieh and director Todd Lincoln (The Apparition) have announced plans to adapt the “Danger Girl” comic series to the big screen. Introduced in 1998 by artists J. Scott Campbell and Andy Hartnell, Danger Girl follows a group of elite, half-naked, big-breasted secret agents as they engage in death-defying missions to keep the world at peace.

Askarieh tells the LA Times:

First of all, we are taking these characters very seriously; a kind of “Batman Begins” approach, if you will. Also, Todd has a very interesting aesthetic approach to this project, which will actually inform the tone of the storytelling and the movie as a whole.

Without giving too much away, he wants to use the technology similar to that used in “Avatar” to bring Campbell’s characters and world to life and yet, at the same time, have the audience fully recognize and be emotionally invested in the actors playing those characters.

His approach, in both the look and the tone for “Danger Girl,” is what I call the anti-“Charlie’s Angels” and feels more like next-step progression from what I hear Zack Snyder is doing with “Sucker Punch,” visually speaking.

Y’all may not know this, but “Danger Girl” has been a big part of my life. You see, I grew up poor on a bayou in New Orleans. My old man caught catfish for a living. Though he worked hard to provide for us kids, we had to do without some of life’s bare essentials, namely porn.

Finding quality stroke-material is never easy when you’re broke. Unlike most, I couldn’t just log on to the internet and look up bestiality, golden showers, and truly twisted shit like interracial porn. Often times my brother and I would have to split the centerfold from our daddy’s Playboy.

I always got stuck with the bottom part of the model, which probably explains my fascination with female dismemberment. Times were rough. Sometimes, I would only masturbate once a day.

Then, one fateful day, I discovered a sexy “Danger Girl” comic inside the belly of an eight-foot croc I intended to make a belt from and everything changed. I am so looking forward to this flick.

(UPDATE: MILLA JOVOVICH, KATE BECKINSALE, & SOFIA VERGARA ARE RUMORED TO BE STARRING. NO CONFIRMATION YET)

District 9 star Sharlto Copley joins British actor Alex Pettyfer in director DJ Caruso’s sci-fi actioner I Am Number Four. The film is an adaptation of the upcoming HarperCollins young-adult novel of the same name written by James Frey (”A Million Little Pieces”) and Jobie Hughes.

The plot revolves around John Smith (Pettyfer), an alien living incognito as a human high school student in Paradise, Ohio up until he’s discovered by the extraterrestrial enemies that destroyed his home planet. Copley will play Smith’s alien protector.

Dreamworks will release the film on Feb. 18, 2011.

Japanese porn star Sora Aoi headlines director Takao Nakano’s coming-of-age tear-jerker Big Tits Zombie in 3-D. The busty actress (G-cup!) plays a stripper out to save a small town from a zombie invasion.

The film is an adaptation of the popular manga “Kyonyuu Dragon” (aka: “Big Tits Dragon”) by artist Rei Mikamoto.

The synopsis reads:

Rena Jodo (Aoi) is a stripper who just got back from Mexico and she has been offered a gig at a hot spring resort. When she arrives, she finds a deserted country town. There’s hardly anyone in the audience at the strip club and all the other strippers, including Ginko (Risa Kasumi), Maria (Mari Sakurai), Nene (Tamayo) and Dana (Io Aikawa) are all bored stiff.

When they decide to go down to the basement of the club to kill time, Maria finds a “Book of the Dead” near “the Well of the Spirit.” Maria’s reading of the book out loud has somehow revived the dead and zombies start appearing all over the world attacking mankind. It’s Hell in the real world!

Dana and Nene are bitten by the zombies and they turn into living dead who attack Rena and Ginko. The poor big‐bosomed babes have no choice but to fight against Maria who now rules the zombies and tries to establish a kingdom of zombies. Rena and Ginko have to challenge Maria and the hordes of zombies!

Should you want to familiarize yourself with Aoi’s previous work, her porn creds include the must-own Wife Violated in Front of Her Husband, Sora Will Relieve You Greatly, Big Dick PakoPako, Repeated Death: Grand Orgasm, Bodily Fluids Mingling, and  Staggering Facial Ejaculation.

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Lucasfilm is celebrating the 30th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back with a yearlong charity campaign that includes special screenings of the beloved Star Wars sequel, auctions, and various other themed events.

“The Empire Gives Back” campaign kicks off on May 19 with a digitized screening of The Empire Strikes Back at the Arclight Hollywood theater in Los Angeles. An onstage Q&A session with Harrison Ford (Han “Fucking” Solo!) will follow the showing.

Tickets for the Arclight Hollywood event are on sale now and cost $100 and $175 for premium seating. All proceeds benefit the St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

Well, don’t just sit there, geeks. You’ve only got one month to find a date for the screening! I’m just kidding. Your mom will go with you. She loves Harrison Ford!

To keep up on future screenings and events, visit StarWars.com.