Director Christopher Nolan’s upcoming mind-bender Inception will undoubtedly leave moviegoers with a lot of questions—the most pressing of all (for those of us with penises) being “who was that hot blonde?”

Her name is Telulah Riley and, if you have a girlfriend, you’ve already seen her in Pride & Prejudice opposite Keira Knightley.

The 24-year-old British starlet is still working on making a name for herself in Hollywood. Thankfully, the folks at Esquire U.K. have convinced Riley to pursue the softcore porn artistic route in their current March issue:

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Actress Monica Keena (Freddy Vs. Jason) doesn’t just fight her demons … she kisses them. The 30-year-old star of director Adam Gierasch’s Night of the Demons remake brags to Maxim that she is a better at kissing girls than American Pie starlet Shannon Elizabeth (Thirteen Ghosts).

She describes her girl/girl kiss as follows:

I was nervous because I’d never kissed a girl at all. But the girl actually had to kiss Shannon Elizabeth later, and she said I was a much better kisser. I was like, ‘Yes!’

Keena doesn’t say which girl she makes out with (Update: it’s Bobbi Sue Luther). But, considering her costars include Diora Baird (30 Days of Night: Dark Days), Bobbi Sue Luther (Laid to Rest), Tiffany Shepis (Stripped), and Holly Ladnier (Jonah Hex), my penis is confident that the scene will be worth the price of admission.

Keena also tells Maxim that she enjoyed kicking demon ass in the film:

The Night of the Demons script said, ‘Then she goes into Rambo mode.’ So I got to wrap the brass knuckles around my hands and load my shotgun with old rusty nails. It was definitely the first time I ever cocked a shotgun and said, ‘Come and get me, motherfuckers!

Night of the Demons is a remake of the 1988 cult classic starring beloved scream-queen Linnea Quigley (she has a cameo in the new film). The film is Gierasch’s followup to his chilling 2008 debut Autopsy.

Night of the Demons arrives in theaters on Sept. 23.

Writer/director Kevin Smith tweeted this week that he has gotten the green-light to produce Red State, his Fred “God Hates Fags” Phelps-inspired horror project.

Smith has been trying to get the film going since 2007, at one point suggesting to fans that they help provide the funding (an idea funnier than anything in Smith’s latest bomb Cop Out).

Smith tweeted on Tuesday:

I talk about lots of stuff I wanna do that either happens years later or never happens at all. Happy to report RED STATE is not the latter.

First draft was dated 9/5/07. Looks like we start shooting this July. Took nearly three years, but we’re finally gonna roll on RED.

The only money it’ll require from [fans] will be at the box office.

Smith tackled religion in his 1999 comedy Dogma, starring Ben Affleck and Matt Damon as fallen angels trying to find their way back to heaven and pop singer Alanis Morissette as God. The film was protested by Mallrats haters Catholic groups during its opening weekend.

Paramount Pictures has finally locked down a director for their upcoming sequel to last year’s surprise runaway hit Paranormal Activity. Producer Oren Peli announced this morning that art-house director Kip Williams (Door in the Floor) has inherited the director’s chair for Paranormal Activity 2.

Peli says:

I have some awesome news for the fans of ‘Paranormal Activity’. Director Kip Williams will join us for the next chapter of the story. We are thrilled to have Kip working with us. He is the guy we want at the helm, because he knows exactly what we want to deliver to the fans… and I can’t wait to be a part of what he’s putting together. I don’t want to spoil the story but I promise it’ll surprise you. Stay tuned.

I don’t think most horror fans would call this news awesome. Especially when the names Brian De Palma (Black Dahlia, Body Double) and Greg McLean (Wolf Creek, Rogue) had been tossed around as possible directors.

Saw 6 director Kevin Greutert had been attached to the sequel, but was forced to remove himself over contractual obligations with Lionsgate. He is currently shooting the studio’s upcoming Saw 7, which will go head-to-severed-head with Paranormal Activity 2 at the box office this Halloween.

Not much has been revealed as far as Paranormal Activity 2’s plot, but it is known that original star Micah Sloat will return.

Attention, U.S. moviegoers.

Theater owners and Hollywood studios would like to thank you for keeping the movie industry afloat these past couple of years by raising the cost of movie tickets for 3-D and IMAX showings. The price hike hits Friday, March 26 across the nation and is described by The Wall Street Journal as the steepest increase in a decade.

Theaters owned by AMC Entertainment Inc., Regal Entertainment Group, and Cinemark Holdings Inc. are leading the charge to drain your wallet.

BTIG media analyst Richard Greenfield surveyed 10 markets across the country and reported to the LA Times yesterday:

On average, they are raising ticket prices for 3-D movies by 8% this weekend. The price of a movie in 3-D on large format Imax screens is going up even faster, rising an average 10% for adults and 12% for children. 2-D ticket prices, meanwhile, are going up 4% on average for adults and 3% for children. The average surcharge to see a movie in 3-D is now $4. For Imax 3-D, it has gone up to nearly $6.

Motivated by the success of James Cameron’s insanely overrated Avatar and Disney’s current chart-topper Alice in Wonderland, studios are more committed than ever to producing 3-D fare (Warner Bros. recently announced that all it’s tent-pole releases would be 3-D), the cost of which eventually hits your pocket via theater owners who typically charge in the $15-to-$16 range for 3-D screenings, citing that the added cost goes primarily towards upgrading theaters so they can play the 3-D films.

Of course, those prices don’t go back down once the theater has been equipped, nor will any money be spent on making sure that the assholes around you aren’t yapping on their mobile phones and that you don’t get a meat thermometer to the throat should you protest.

The supposed demand for 3-D is like a Jedi mind-trick. Studios roll out their movies and marketing campaigns to make people believe that they’re missing out on something special and … it works, or so it would seem based on a handful of flicks. But, hey, 3-D is cool if done with the right movie (like Big Momma’s House 3).

Avatar sucked because Cameron is a shitty writer, but the 3-D was pretty flawless. Still, the most irritating thing about the 3-D onslaught is the fact that the majority of the titles being released this year and next (i.e. Clash of the Titans, the Spiderman reboot) weren’t even shot in 3-D, but instead converted from 2-D in post (which always looks sloppy and has a dizzying effect). How’s that for sleight of hand?

Directors are being pressured into shooting in the format regardless if the flick truly benefits from 3-D and old films are being converted for re-release (i.e. 300). Even uber-director/producer Michael Bay found himself being pushed by Paramount/Dreamworks to utilize the technology in his upcoming Transformers 3. Bay won’t be shooting Optimus Prime in 3-D, but he is still weighing the whole conversion option … begrudgingly.

Bay explains:

I’m used to having the A-team working on my films, and I’m going to hand it over to the D-team, have it shipped to India and hope for the best? This conversion process is always going to be inferior to shooting in real 3D. Studios might be willing to sacrifice the look and use the gimmick to make $3 more a ticket, but I’m not. Avatar took four years. You can’t just shit out a 3D movie. I’m saying, the jury is still out.

Cameron has echoed Bay’s comments in recent interviews.

He says:

This is another example of Hollywood getting it wrong. Sony says, “We’re doing Spider-Man in 3D.” The director doesn’t say, “Hey, I want to make the movie in 3D.” The studio says, “You want to direct this movie? You’re doing it in 3D, motherf*cker!” That’s not how it should be.

Of course, Cameron has also announced plans to convert Titanic into 3-D for future theatrical re-release. James Cameron is an asshole.

For a list of authentic and converted (fake) 3-D films, check out RealorFake3D.com.

Paradox Entertainment, the company behind Marcus Nispel’s Conan the Barbarian reboot, is set to launch Buck Rogers 3-D. Paul W.S. Anderson will direct the project from a script by Iron Man writers Art Marcum and Matt Holloway.

"Don't freak out, Erin, but there's a robot with a dutchboy haircut onboard."

Anderson tells Variety:

Buck has already been such a huge influence on action-adventure franchises like ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Indiana Jones,’ so for me it is a thrilling opportunity to be allowed to return to the source, and relaunch such an epic character.

The plot for the new Rogers film is being kept under wraps for now. But, like its source material, the story will center on a modern day pilot who awakens to find himself in the future.

The “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” comic strip ran from 1929 through 1967. In 1979, NBC adapted Rogers into a prime-time television serial starring Gil Gerard, Erin Grey, and Erin Grey’s camel-toe in a painted-on jumpsuit. The series ran for two years, but Grey provided boys with masturbation fodder up until the emergence of Slave Leia in 1983’s Return of the Jedi.

I fondly remember fondling myself at 6-years old while watching the episode where a bunch of sex-starved midgets attempted to strip Grey’s Col. Wilma Deering’s clothes off with their telepathic powers. Despite the fact that my baby-penis could only ejaculate rainbows at the time, I still knew it was a hot scene:

(Correct me if I’m wrong, beloved readers, but isn’t that the black midget from Bad Santa?)

I don’t care if Anderson casts a monkey’s turd to play Buck, but I am totally beside myself in anticipation to see who will play the new Wilma Deering. I can picture Natalie Portman in the part, but Anderson’s genre-director standing would most likely turn her away. Megan Fox would be good. Or, maybe, Rachel Nichols and her huge breasts (she’s already starring in Paradox’s Conan the Barbarian). Feel free to drop some names.

Anderson’s horror/sci-fi creds include Resident Evil, Death Race, AVP: Alien Vs. Predator, Soldier, Event Horizon, and the upcoming Resident Evil: Afterlife 3-D.

Stripper-turned-Oscar-winning-screenwriter Diablo Cody (Juno) is having her latest script Young Adult fast-tracked by Mandate Pictures. The thriller follows a divorced, thirty-something author of young adult fiction as she stalks an old high school flame who has moved on to start a family of his own.

She tells Vulture:

It has elements of humor, but it’s pretty serious and fucked up. You don’t get to see women be antiheroes that often, where it’s like somebody like Mickey Rourke, who gets a comeback in The Wrestler. It’s rarer that you’ll have a studio say, “Let’s have an actress come back and be ugly!

Mandate Pictures produced Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell last year. Cody, of course, is the writer of the criminally underrated high-school set frightener Jennifer’s Body.

I wonder if Cody wears a thong and listens to Motley Crue when writing. I do.

(Update: OK, so I caught a screening of Young Adult and it isn’t a thriller. It’s a hilarious dark comedy starring Charlize Theron and Patton Oswalt. Go see it!)

Rogue Pictures has set an Oct. 29 release date for director Wes Craven’s supernatural-slasher My Soul to Take. The film marks Craven’s return to writing since 1994’s Freddy Krueger vehicle New Nightmare.

The synopsis reads:

In the sleepy town of Riverton, legend tells of a serial killer who swore he would return to murder the seven children born the night he died. Now, 16 years later, people are disappearing again. Has the psychopath been reincarnated as one of the seven teens, or did he survive the night he was left for dead? Only one of the kids knows the answer.

Adam “Bug” Heller was supposed to die on the bloody night his father went insane. Unaware of his dad’s terrifying crimes, he has been plagued by nightmares since he was a baby. But if Bug hopes to save his friends from the monster that’s returned, he must face an evil that won’t rest…until it finishes the job it began the day he was born.

Hmm. Sounds like someone is revisiting the A Nightmare on Elm Street well.

My Soul to Take stars Max Thieriot, Zena Grey, Emily Meade, Nick Lashaway, and Shareeka Epps.

Up next for Craven is Dimension Films’ Scream 4.

Black Swan and Book of Eli star Mila Kunis admits in the April issue of GQ magazine that she loves a good dick joke.

She says:

I love a good dick joke. Fart jokes. Poop jokes. They’re hilarious. They never get old. But especially not a dick joke.

Speaking of dick jokes … you may want to stick your hand down your pants to fully enjoy Kunis’ cowgirl-themed spread:

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Bollywood actress Soha Ali Khan (pictured above) plays a grieving mother tormented by the loss of her child in director Abhijit Chowdhury’s supernatural thriller The Accident.  The film marks the first “I-Horror” collaboration between Indian studio Pritish Nandy Communications and Britain’s High Point Media Group.

What exactly is I-Horror?

High Point Media’s managing director Carey Fitzgerald explains:

As with the J-Horror phenomenon, which is distinctly rooted in Japanese culture that is also exportable, I-Horror will be the new by-word distinguishing genuinely scary films that, by their vibrant colours and character, unmistakably herald from India but also tap into a wider consciousness.

The studios are also moving ahead with two additional I-Horror titles: Sanjay Khanduri’s The Pilgrim Express and Kushan Nandy’s Of Brothers and Sisters.

A representative for Pritish Nandy says:

If any kind of cinema can cross over easily, horror is the best example as we have seen in recent times with Japanese, Korean, and Spanish films. I-Horror is India reaching out to a global audience.

I think I-Horror will make for a great genre. Imagine how much better you’ll feel if after watching some fucked up horror flick you could enjoy a Bollywood dance number performed by all the people you just saw get killed.

The Accident is due out later this year.

Also keep an “I” out for director Jennifer Lynch’s Hisss (starring Mallika Sherawat) a creature-feature shot in India and based on the Nagin half-woman/half-snake folktale.