“Desperate Housewives” alum Rachel Fox has been invited to director Jim Sheridan’s Dream House. The 13-year-old actress joins Naomi Watts, Rachel Weisz, and Daniel Craig in the Morgan Creek produced thriller, due out next year.

Dream House revolves around a married couple (Weisz, Craig) who discovers that their just purchased New England home was the scene of a vicious domestic crime that left a mother and her two children dead. It’s unknown if Fox will play daughter to Weisz and Craig’s characters or if she’s one of the murdered kids.

“Desperate Housewives” fans will recognize Fox as Tom and Lynette Scavo’s precocious daughter Kyla Scavo.

That reminds me. I gotta check my DVR and see what happened between Susan and Bree after Carl bit the bullet underneath that plane. Damn if those Wisteria Lane residents aren’t an interesting group of cougars.

Dreamworks Animation has released its final trailer for director Chris Sanders upcoming 3-D animated feature How to Train Your Dragon, arriving in theaters on March 26.

Based on the kid’s novel by British author Cressida Cowell, How to Train Your Dragon tells the story of an awkward teenage Viking named Hiccup who is struggling to become a great dragon slayer, but ends up learning a valuable lesson from a dragon he fatefully encounters.

The film features the voices of Jay Baruchel (Fan Boys), Gerard Butler (300), America Ferrara (“Ugly Betty”), Jonah Hill, (Superbad), Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Kick-Ass), Kristen Wiig (Despicable Me) and T.J. Miller (Cloverfield) and late night talk show host Craig Ferguson.

I know. It’s not violent and there’s zero nudity. But, sometimes, when I feel I’ve been watching too much horror, I just ask myself: What would baby Jesus watch?

So, let’s take a break from the blood and boobs, and enjoy the following trailer:

He’s one of white America’s most beloved comedic actors but, on March 1, Steve Guttenberg steps into a role no one could have seen coming. The man behind such feel-good classics as Police Academy, Cocoon, 3 Men and a Baby, Police Academy 2, Cocoon: The Return, 3 Men and a Little Lady, Police Academy 3, Short Circuit, and Police Academy 4 is back in director Daniel Maze’s torture-thriller Cornered.

Cornered centers on a group of people who gather at their friend’s liquor store to play poker and talk shit about a sadistic serial-killer targeting convenience store employees in their town. Before they know it, however, the killer is upon them. Will Guttenberg help them get the upper hand or does he have other plans up his sleeve?

Check out the trailer:

Guttenberg has remained mum about his character in the film, but has expressed satisfaction in breaking out of his traditional fare.

He says (via press release):

It was fun, creative and it was something I got to do that I have never done before. I’m happy to be here and make it work.

Cornered costars James Duval, Peter Story, Eduardo Antonio Garcia, Ellia English, David Basila, David Jean Thomas, and cute 22-year-old fledgling starlet Elizabeth Nicole.

Platinum Dunes have released a second trailer for their upcoming reboot of Wes Craven’s 1984 slasher A Nightmare on Elm Street, starring Jackie Earle Haley (Shutter Island, Watchmen) as iconic child molester/killer Freddy Krueger.

Take a look:

Wow. Watching Elm Street’s classic scare scenes updated really proves to me that every old horror film should be remade. I know that pisses off horror purists and the nostalgic among you, but—like your mothers—movies don’t hold up well with time. That’s not to say all remakes are good. Most suck. But, the remake/reboot concept is golden.

Platinum Dunes was co-founded by Michael Bay with Brad Fuller and Andrew Form in 2001. The studio has produces successful remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, The Hitcher, and The Amityville Horror.

A Nightmare on Elm Street arrives in theaters on April 30.

German wannabe director Marc Vorlander wants you to believe that he has shot a sequel to Paul Verhoeven’s 1995 stripper-drama Showgirls. But, one look at the film’s laughably bad (but stroke-worthy) trailer and you’ll know that this project was nothing more than a ploy to score Vorlander some hot, gullible actress trim … and, for that, I applaud his efforts.

Check out the scam:

Of course, lying to desperate actresses to get them naked is nothing new. But, telling them you’re shooting a sequel to an obscure—but internet searchable—film is sheer genius.

That reminds me … ladies, this weekend I am shooting Dancing at the Blue Iguana 2. Please contact me to audition. The gig pays in false promises and semen baths.

When I first saw Star Wars as a kid, I thought Darth Vader was some kind of cool, evil robot. Six years later, Return of the Jedi revealed to me that he was just a wrinkled old white guy in a mask. I was horrified. Now, I have learned something else about the Sith Lord that is disturbing: He speaks like a pansy.

A video featuring David Prowse, the man behind the Vader mask, reading lines in his own voice has hit the web. Needless-to-say, it lacks the menacing tone of James Earl Jones.

Check it out:

Paris Hilton (House of Wax, Repo! The Genetic Opera) was photographed stepping out of her car in Hollywood with a really embarrassing case of static cling (someone get this girl some Downy). Of course, one person’s misfortune is another’s jerk-off opportunity. It is in that spirit that I post these pics.

Enjoy:

[Show as slideshow]

Brittany Daniel (The Hamiltons) is the latest addition to genre directors Colin and Greg Strause’s (Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem) upcoming sci-fi thriller Skyline. Daniel joins a ridiculously sexy cast that includes Crystal Reed (MTV’s “Teen Wolf”), Scottie Thompson (Nero’s wife in Star Trek), Kate Mara (Iron Man 2), and “Dexter’s” David Zayas (What? He’s a handsome heavyset man).

(UPDATE: SEE BRITTANY DANIEL, CRYSTAL REED, & SCOTTI THOMPSON AT THE SKYLINE WORLD PREMIERE HERE)

Kate Mara busted doing a sniff test on dirty laundry!

The story revolves around a group of friends who after a night of drunken debauchery awaken to find a bright light shining down on them that is not a policeman’s flashlight. In fact, the light is sucking people up towards the skyline. The friends must shake their hangovers and quickly find away to survive the cataclysmic event.

Scottie Thompson thinks Clatto readers are sexy (you totally bought that, didn't you)

Aliens vs. Predators really sucked donkey balls, but I’m hoping the Strause brothers have learned something since. For starters, I hope that, if this is an alien abduction flick, they keep things authentic and include plenty of scenes in which Daniel, Reed, Thompson, and Mara are anally probed by the aliens and subjected to lesbian-flavored experiments (Hey, that shit happens!).

David Zayas thinks Clatto readers are sexy too!

Skyline is currently being shot in Los Angeles.

Heavy metal villains Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper are teaming up to terrorize concertgoers in what they’re calling “The Gruesome Twosome” North American tour, kicking off on April 26 in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Cooper states on his website:

It’s sort of like Dracula vs. Frankenstein. We’re like this generation’s classic monsters. When we’re not onstage frightening audiences, we’ll be backstage trying to scare each other.

Zombie adds:

Me and The Coop have been talking about touring together for about 15 years and finally the moment is here. This will be without a doubt a rock ‘n’ roll spooktacular for all the cool ghouls.

Zombie is touring in support of his recently released CD Hellbilly Deluxe 2. He will also headline this year’s Rockstar’s Mayhem Festival. Cooper returns to his own “Theater of Death” tour in the summer.

The announced dates for “The Gruesome Twosome” shows are as follows:

4/26 – Winnipeg, Manitoba
4/27 – Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
4/28 – Edmonton, Alberta
4/29 – Calgary, Alberta
5/01 – Vancouver, British Columbia
5/02 – Kennewick, Washington
5/04 – Casper, Wyoming

Looks like “LOST” star Matthew Fox could use a time portal right about now. Stefani Talbott, a 25-year-old Oregon stripper, is claiming that she rode the 43-year-old actor bare-back on two separate occasions last year after meeting him at the Stars Cabaret.

She crows to In Touch Weekly:

I was dancing onstage, and I made eye contact with him immediately. I got so excited. He asked me, ‘Why are you working in a place like this?’ I told him that I am a single mom and needed the money. He absolutely did not mention a wife or family, and I don’t remember him wearing a wedding ring.

Talbott alleges that Fox took her to the house he was staying at that very night and fucked her baby-hole without a jimmy hat. She has told the National Enquirer that she has in her possession incriminating voice mails and texts from the actor.

She says:

We sat around and talked about his show. He complimented me and was saying how down-to-earth I am. He told me he was going to be in town for a couple of days. He didn’t tell me to keep it a secret or anything. He didn’t even use protection. He didn’t seem concerned at all.

Fox has been married to Margherita Ronchi, a former Italian runway model, for 18 years. They have two kids. Spokespeople for Fox have dismissed Talbott’s accusations as false.

OK, has anyone stopped to think that maybe this wasn’t Fox? That maybe it was really Smokie Monster Fox? Just saying.