2009
12.27

‘Legion’ Online Game: Kick Angel Ass Back to Kingdom Come!

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Hark! The herald angels sing! Now, blow their asses back to Kingdom Come!

Screen Gems day-of-reckoning actioner Legion arrives in theaters on Jan. 22, but the studio is providing heathens a chance to get a leg up on the upcoming holy war with a new online game. To play, click here.

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Legion stars Dennis Quaid, Paul Bettany (Priest, The Da Vinci Code), Kevin Durand (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Tyrese Gibson (Death Race, Transformers), Adrianne Palicki (Red Dawn), Willa Holland, Kate Walsh, Lucas Black, and Charles S. Dutton (Alien 3, Gothica). To see a trailer and images, go here.

2009
12.27

Brittany Murphy’s ‘Deadline’ DVD Removed from Redbox Rental Kiosks

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Rental service Redbox have removed the DVD box cover art for the Brittany Murphy horror flick Deadline from all their rental kiosks locations. The cover, which features Murphy dead in a tub, is being removed in light of Murphy’s recent demise. The 32-year-old actress was found dead on Dec. 20 in the bathroom of her Los Angeles home.

(UPDATE: Click here to read about the release of Murphy’s last movie Abandoned)

Redbox spokesperson Laura Dihel told the press:

We are removing the box art images from our displays. We will continue to carry her film, but we will not be featuring the box art. We have 19,000 locations, and to be honest, I can’t tell you if this particular art is up at all the locations.

What Dihel didn’t say is that Deadline sucks donkey dicks.

2009
12.26

Lucy Lawless, Erin Cummings Go Nude in ‘Spartacus: Blood & Sand’

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Starz is counting on former warrior princess Lucy Lawless’ nude ta-ta’s to nurture its new Sam Raimi produced show “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” to success. The gladiator-drama makes its debut on Jan. 22, but the network has already green-lit a second season. (UPDATE: To read about the premiere episode and see Viva Bianca and Erin Cummings’ nude scenes, click here.)

(UPDATE: To see the episode featuring Lucy Lawless’ first-ever nude role, go here. To see Lucy Lawless bathe nude with slave girls, go here)

(Update 2: Lucy Lawless will reprise her role as Lucretia in Starz’s new spinoff series “Spartacus: Gods of the Arena”)

Lawless, who performs her first ever nude scenes in the series, says the show is full of naked-goodness and violence.

She tells Entertainment Weekly:

It’s the first time I had to do a sex scene; I try to think of myself as a modern woman but, honestly, I went home and had to go straight to bed. It was so stressful. There’s full frontal male nudity. You see plenty trust me. I’m a little traumatized … I do have to work out. Being naked on-screen is no fun.

“Spartacus” also stars Andy Whitfield (The Clinic) as Spartacus, John Hannah (The Mummy) as Batiatus, Peter Mensah (300) as Doctore, Viva Bianca as IliThyia, and rising stunner Erin Cummings (Dark House) as Sura.

Lawless and Cummings also costar in the femme-fatal actioner Bitch Slap, helmed by “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” director Rick Jacobson.

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The “Spartacus” synopsis reads:

Betrayed by the Romans. Forced into slavery. Reborn as a Gladiator. The classic tale of the Republic’s most infamous rebel comes alive in the graphic and visceral new series, Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Torn from his homeland and the woman he loves, Spartacus is condemned to the brutal world of the arena where blood and death are primetime entertainment. But not all battles are fought upon the sands. Treachery, corruption, and the allure of sensual pleasures will constantly test Spartacus. To survive, he must become more than a man. More than a gladiator. He must become a legend.

(UPDATE: THE “SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND’ DVD WILL INCLUDE EXTENDED ORGY SCENE W/ LUCY LAWLESS & LAURA SURRICH)

To see nude image captures from the show, head over at Upcoming Nude Scenes. For those of you God-fearing good Catholics who know you’ll burn in hell for watching such raunchy, soul-damning things, I give you the following more wholesome gallery:

2009
12.24

The Hughes Bros. Return with ‘Book of Eli’, Denzel Washington & Mila Kunis Star!

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The Hughes Brothers, directors of such critically acclaimed hardcore dramas as Menace II Society and Dead Presidents, haven’t fared very well in the horror genre, despite producing 2001’s visually rich Jack the Ripper mind-bender From Hell and serving as executive producers on the USA network’s unjustly short-lived serial-killer drama “Touching Evil.”

Thankfully, the uber-talented duo haven’t given up on horror fans. Come Jan. 15, they will unleash their unique view on a post-apocalyptic future with the Book of Eli, starring Oscar-winner Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Malcolm McDonald, flash-dancer Jennifer Beals, and brunette stunner Mila Kunis. The film marks the brothers’ return to directing since 2001’s From Hell.

"Hey, shut that door! I'm trying to pinch a deuce in here."

"Hey, shut that door! I'm trying to pinch a deuce in here."

The Book of Eli is described as a post-apocalyptic western set in the future after the sun has exploded. Washington plays a drifter on a mission to find a sacred book that may hold salvation for the earth’s remaining survivors. He meets troubled teen Solara (Kunis) in a small town run by a sinister sheriff (Gary Oldman).

"It's really big. And, afterwards, I'm gonna want a sandwich."

"It's really big. And, afterwards, I'm gonna want a sandwich."

Kunis told Comcast’s Reel News:

Solara lives in a small town run by Gary Oldman’s character, who is the sheriff of the town and he’s an incredibly abusive man. He’s evil in the sense that he just wants to get what he wants and he’ll stop at nothing. He sends me to seduce Denzel’s character when Denzel’s character comes to town. Solara has never seen anyone who’s not physically abusive towards women…and she’s fascinated by him and intrigued by him and she decides to run away and follow him on his journey, become his pupil and ultimately help him succeed in his venture.

It’s always about the sexual chocolate with white chicks.

Kunis further explained:

The hardest thing about playing her was in the hour and a half (of the movie) she grows up dramatically. The film only takes place in about a week’s span so when you meet her at first she’s very wide-eyed and naive but hungry to know about the world. And when she meets Denzel’s character she’s driven to learn.

Kunis is currently shooting for Darren Aronofsky’s supernatural thriller Black Swan.

And, finally, for your viewing pleasure, enjoy the following gallery:

2009
12.23

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If you guys aren’t smoking the peace pipe just yet, go on and do so. I’ll wait … OK, so, here we have new images from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, starring Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen, Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, and Mia Wasikowska as Alice.

(UPDATE: See photos of Johnny Depp, Ann Hathaway, and other stars at the Alice in Wonderland Ultimate Fan Event here.)

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New hi-res images of the White Rabbit, the March Hare, the Dormouse and the Cheshire Cat have been released and they are pretty damn trippy.

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A re-imagining of the Lewis Carroll novel Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland promises to be a return to the story’s darker origins.

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Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland has a date with theaters across the country on March 5, 2010. To catch the newest trailer, go here.

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2009
12.23

‘Battle: Los Angeles’ Images Leaked! Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez Star!

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Two photos from Jonathan Liebesman’s alien-invasion feature Battle: Los Angeles have hit the web. The above pic is a shot of a mushroom cloud explosion on a freeway (said to be a bus after being blown to smithereens by malicious extraterrestrials). The bottom is that of actor Aaron Eckhart (Dark Knight, Black Dahlia) as a Marine staff sergeant ready to get some payback for the U.S. of fucking A.

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The film’s synopsis reads:

When unknown forces put the City of angels under attack, it’s up to a Marine staff sergeant (Aaron Eckhart) and his new platoon to come to the rescue. As the invasion hits the streets of L.A., the Marines become our first and last line of defense against a highly powerful enemy. Bridget Moynahan (I, Robot), Michelle Rodriguez (Avatar) and Michael Peña (World Trade Center) co-star alongside an ensemble cast including Ramon Rodriguez and Ne-Yo.

Battle: Los Angeles, described as Independence Day meets Black Hawk Down, takes its name from a supposed massive UFO sighting in Santa Monica, California said to have taken place on Feb. 25, 1942 just weeks after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. According to UFO enthusiasts, the alien ship was attacked by the U.S. military under the belief that it was Japanese aircraft. I’m not sure if this plays a part in the film, but you can read more about it here.

Liebesman’s previous efforts include Darkness Falls and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, two highly enjoyable and stupidly underrated horror flicks. Battle: Los Angeles is reportedly due in theaters in 2011. I’ll letcha know if that changes.


2009
12.23

‘Daybreakers’ Clips Released!

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On Jan. 8, we will finally face the Daybreakers at the local movie theater. But, until then, it doesn’t hurt to know what we’re up against. Lionsgate has released the following clips to scare you off. But, I think they will just whet your appetite.

The film’s synopsis reads:

Two-time Academy Award nominee® Ethan Hawke plays Edward Dalton, a researcher in the year 2019, in which an unknown plague has transformed the world’s population into vampires. As the human population nears extinction, vampires must capture and farm every remaining human, or find a blood substitute before time runs out.

The Daybreakers is directed by Peter and Michael Spierig and stars Ethan Hawke (Gattica), Willem Dafoe,(Anti-Christ) Sam Neil (Jurassic Park), and Isabel Lucas (Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen).

2009
12.23

New ‘Lost’ Promo Spot!

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It’s the beginning of the end.

So says the latest one-minute promo for the sixth and final season of ABC’s innovative sci-fi drama “Lost.” As with previous TV spots, new footage is  not revealed in the latest promo. Regardless, the spot will definitely push “Lost” fan’s buttons (get it? push buttons? Ah, never mind).

Check it out:

“Lost” returns on Feb. 2, 2010.

2009
12.22

Buy, Rent, or Bury: District 9, Paranormal Entity, Captive

BUY: DISTRICT 9

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Aliens come down to earth and get treated like black people in director Neill Blomkamp’s sci-fi-actioner District 9. Produced by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings, King Kong), the film is set in Johannesburg, South Africa and follows the transfer of alien inhabitants from the government established refugee camp known as District 9 to the much larger District 10.

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Wikus van de Merwe is the government official assigned to help a privately funded military group relocate the aliens (dismissively referred to as “prawns” by humans). Things get complicated, however, when Merwe is exposed to alien matter that corrupts his own genetic makeup.

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Inspired by events that took place during the apartheid era in South Africa, District 9 spins a smart and engaging story without sacrificing the action and suspense sci-fi fans love. The effects are convincing and, along with the film’s docu-drama angle, make the film feel and look believable (Warning: if you’re like me, you may want to have a puke bucket next to your La-Z-Boy. The shaky-cam can be pretty brutal at times).

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The 2-disc edition includes director commentary, deleted scenes, and the following featurettes: “The Alien Agenda: Filmmaker’s Log, a Three-Part Documentary,” “Metamorphosis: the Transformation of Wikus,” “Innovation: Acting and Improvisation,” “Conception and Design: Creating the World of District 9,” and “Alien Generation: Visual Effects.”

The Blu-ray disc edition includes the same bonus material plus “Joburg From Above: Satellite and Schematics of the World of District 9 – Interactive Map.”

RENT: PARANORMAL ENTITY

Erin Marie Hogan

Erin Marie Hogan

Paranormal Entity tells the story of a man who is sentence to prison for the murder of his sister. The man’s family, however, knows that something paranormal is to blame for the tragedy … and they’ve found footage to prove it. Yes, the movie is a knockoff of Paramount Pictures’ blockbuster hit Paranormal Activity, but could it be much worse? Probably. I haven’t yet seen the flick. But, I will rent it based on the comments posted by Dustin Demoss on Amazon.com.

Demoss writes:

The story/style is nearly identitical to that of Activity, however, I did find the story to be slightly more interesting…with the inclusion of why an entity exists…and at least they try to go to a motel. I didn’t find the acting to be as “real” as Activity, but the dialogue was much less annoying…continual arguing in Activity was pretty grueling. And as an added bonus you’re not stuck looking at an ugly chick.

Paranormal Entity is produced and distributed by The Asylum Home Entertainment and stars the very attractive Erin Marie Hogan.

BURY: CAPTIVE

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Captive stars former Playboy model and Baywatch star Erika Eleniak as a woman who goes ape-shit after her husband is murdered. Placed in a loony bin, she must battle the advances of perverted orderlies and yada, yada, yada. This flick was produced in 1998 and, boy, does it suck donkey dicks.

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Captive is dated, beyond cheesy, and completely devoid of Eleniak nudity. If you’re an Eleniak fan, watch Under Siege, Chasers or just dust the dried up cum balls away from your old Playboys instead. If you’re a fan of women in mental wards, grab yourself a copy of Clint Eastwood’s The Changeling.

2009
12.22

Adam Green’s ‘Frozen’: A Horror Movie for White People!

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A trailer for director Adam Green’s (Hatchet) survival-frightener Frozen has hit the web. The flick stars Emma Bell, Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead), and Shawn Ashmore (The Ruins).

The synopsis reads:

A typical day on the slopes turns into a chilling nightmare for three snowboarders when they get stranded on the chairlift before their last run. As the ski patrol switches off the night lights, they realize with growing panic that they’ve been left behind dangling high off the ground with no way down. With the resort closed until the following weekend and frostbite and hypothermia already setting in, the trio is forced to take desperate measures to escape off the mountain before they freeze to death. Once they make their move, they discover with horror that they have much more to fear than just the frigid cold. As they combat unexpected obstacles, they start to question if their will to survive is strong enough to overcome the worst ways to die.

Only white people would consider getting stuck on a ski lift as life-threatening. You honkies should try catching Frozen at the Magic Johnson theater opening weekend. Then we’ll talk “worst ways to die.”

Regardless, the trailer does look good. Check it out: