The internet was aflutter this week with news that Megan Fox was to step into Angelina Jolie’s shorts to play video-game-heroine-turned-action-movie-bad-ass Lara Croft. Unfortunately for all our cocks, Fox has reportedly turned down the part (rumors say she’s tired of ongoing comparisons to Jolie).

But, don’t despair! A new hope has arrived!

Tabloid sensation and “Hills” star Heidi Montag has announced her interest in playing a bustier and blonder version of Lara Croft.

She tweets:

I want to be blonde Tomb Raider, I’m better with guns then both Angelina and Megan Fox put together!

By guns, I’m guessing she is referring to her new triple-D’s. Sadly, I doubt producers will hang a potentially lucrative franchise on Montag’s nips. But, that’s OK. I’m just hoping she manages to get her 3-D boobs vs. shark screenplay made.

‘True Blood” star Anna Paquin alludes to having carpet-munched at some point in her life during a PSA for Cyndi Lauper’s Give a Damn project, an online campaign designed to remind us to stop beating up gay people.

Paquin says in the spot:

I’m bisexual and I give a damn because one hate crime is committed approximately every hour of every day in this country.

The announcement comes as a surprise being that Paquin is engaged to “True Blood” costar and love-interest Stephen Moyer.

Understandably, the Oscar-winner’s declaration has eclipsed the PSA’s anti-discrimination message in favor of speculation over whose muff Paquin has dived into (The Give a Damn website has been down due to overwhelming interest).

The campaign also features some of Hollywood’s more obvious and less attractive turd-stealers and clam-smackers, including Elton John, Clay Aiken, Cynthia Nixon, Whoopi Goldberg, and Wanda Sykes.

British actor Alex Pettyfer is currently in negotiations to headline the Steven Spielberg/Michael Bay produced sci-fi actioner I Am Number Four. The film is an adaptation of the upcoming HarperCollins young-adult novel of the same name written by James Frey (“A Million Little Pieces”) and Jobie Hughes.

I Am Number Four follows nine aliens taking refuge on earth after their planet is destroyed by a rival species. Pettyfer’s role would be that of John Smith, an alien living incognito as a human high school student in Paradise, Ohio up until he’s discovered by his alien enemies.

DJ Caruso (Disturbia, Taking Lives) directs from a screenplay by “Smallville” creators Al Gough and Miles Millar. Dreamworks has set a Feb. 18, 2011 release date.

Pettyfer made his American movie debut in CBS Film’s upcoming “Beauty and the Beast” retelling Beastly, costarring Vanessa Hudgens, Mary-Kate Olson, and Neil Patrick Harris.

MySpace scored these exclusive images from Sony Screen Gems upcoming sequel Resident Evil: Afterlife. The shots feature series femme-fatal Milla Jovovich (Alice) in gun-toting action and gives us a glimpse at genre babe Ali Larter (Claire Redfield).

The film’s synopsis reads:

In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety. Her deadly battle with the Umbrella Corporation reaches new heights, but Alice gets some unexpected help from an old friend.

A new lead that promises a safe haven from the Undead leads them to Los Angeles, but when they arrive the city is overrun by thousands of Undead and Alice and her comrades are about to step into a deadly trap.

Screen Gems will premiere a red band trailer for the film at this weekend’s Wondercon convention in San Francisco, CA. MySpace will debut the trailer online this Saturday at 2:15 p.m. Of course, if I’m awake at that hour, I’ll post the trailer here for y’all as well.

Resident Evil: Afterlife was shot in 3-D (unlike 2-D-to-3-D conversion) by original Resident Evil director Paul W.S. Anderson. The franchise, based on the bestselling Capcom video game, has grossed over $378 million worldwide.

Resident Evil: Afterlife 3-D arrives in theaters on Sept. 10.

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Twin sisters Elise and Electra Avellan are set to make a splash in Parallel Media’s upcoming frightner The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond. The film is the first for the Avellan sisters since making their feature film debut in the 2007 Quentin Tarantino/ Robert Rodriguez collaboration Grindhouse (they played the “Crazy Twin Babysitters”).

(Avellan Update: The sisters can also be seen in new red-band ‘Machete’ trailer. Do they go nude? Take a look)

The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond follows a group of nine friends that violently turn against each other after playing a mysterious and ancient game during their holiday on a deserted  island.

The film is directed by Gabriel Bologna and costars Robert Patrick (Terminator 2: Judgement Day), James Duval (Donnie Darko), Mircea Monroe (Tekken), and 32-year-old stunner Danielle Harris (Halloween 2). It opens in theaters on April 9.

There's nothing more beautiful than the bond between twin sisters.

Coincidentally, The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond is exactly what I call the toilet at my local Applebees.

Fuck James Cameron. Horror director Alexandre Aja truly knows what 3-D should be used for: boobs and blood. The man behind Dimension Films’ eagerly anticipated creature-feature Piranha 3-D wants moviegoers to know that his film is a technically updated throwback to to the sensationalistic 3-D films many of us grew up with.

He tells MTV:

The biggest thing for the fans is going to be the big spring-break wet T-shirt contest, where we have thousands of spring-break groups on the water and the party has its climax when the piranhas come and start attacking everyone. It’s almost 25 minutes of a huge massacre, and it’s really insane.

I think we broke all the records in the manner of blood used. I don’t remember the exact number, but we passed ‘Kill Bill.

I understand why James Cameron in Avatar didn’t want to make the 3-D gimmicky, and he was right. But we are making a piranha-attacking-spring-break movie, so we are going to go for the huge on-the-screen effects and fish attacking the audience.

If this 3-D craze is going to be worth the recently announced theater price hike, Hollywood needs to support visionaries like Aja, Drive Angry’s Patrick Lussier, and Heidi Montag.

Piranha 3-D stars Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Jerry O’Connell, Eli Roth, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfuss, Dina Meyer, porn star Riley Steele, and the gorgeous Kelly Brook. The film arrives in theaters on August 27.

To ensure that 13-year-old fan boys and 40-year-old virgins don’t hurt themselves while feverishly admiring Iron Man 2 sex-pot Scarlett Johansson in the film’s new poster, Marvel Entertainment have decided to only show half of the gorgeous blonde’s redhead’s body.

The poster showcases Johansson as the Black Widow and was printed exclusively for this weekend’s Wondercon convention in San Francisco, Ca (pick yours up at booth #242).

Iron Man 2 is directed by Jon Favreau and costars Robert Downy Jr.,  Mickey Rourke, Samuel Jackson, Don Cheadle, and—the now completely overshadowed—Gwyneth Paltrow. The film flies into theaters on May 7.

This is model/actress Kelly Brook leaning against apartment walls in her underwear. But, unlike your slutty knocked-up sister, she is getting paid by some fancy-pants lingerie manufacturer named Ultimo to do so.

You can also see the 30-year-old stunner later this year in Lionsgate long-delayed creature-feature Piranha 3-D. Brook’s additional horror creds include Survival Island, Removal, House of 9, and Ripper.

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“Twilight” author Stephenie Meyers announced today on her website that she is not ready to stop earning ridiculous mountains of cash from her vampire empire. On June 5, Meyer’s publishing house Little Brown Books for Young Readers will release “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella.”

The 192-page novella centers on the life of newborn vampire Bree Tanner, a character who only appears briefly in the “Eclipse” novel as part of Bella Swan hater Victoria’s army. Meyer’s insists that she thought of the Bree spinoff long before “Twilight” was adapted to the big screen.

She lies through her teeth says:

I never intended to publish this story as a stand-alone book. I began this story a long time ago—before ‘Twilight’ was even released. Back then I was just editing ‘Eclipse,’ and in the thick of my vampire world. I was thinking a lot about the newborns, imagining their side of the story, and one thing led to another. I started writing from Bree’s perspective about those final days, and what it was like to be a newborn.

Hmm. Looks like those crafty Twilight Saga movie producers have found a new way to keep the tween-loved vampire-soap going. Along with splitting Breaking Dawn into two movies, it’s pretty clear we’ll be seeing a Bree Tanner flick in the near future.

I’m gonna say it right now: “novella” will be the new “prequel” in Hollywood. What better way to keep a franchise going?

Studios won’t have to wait as long for an author to turn something in. New characters are pushed to the forefront, allowing for fresh faces to emerge and providing producers an opportunity to save money by not having to bring back all of the original franchise’s cast members. It’s genius.

“The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella” will be available for purchase on June 5 at 12:01 a.m.

A dollar from all U.S. sales will be donated to the American Red Cross International Response Fund to provide aid to Haiti and Chile. But, if you hate brown people, you can read it for free on BreeTanner.com from June 7-to-July 5.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse arrives in movie theaters on June 30.

After her horror film The Box was crushed at the box office, actress Cameron Diaz has been forced to consider a supplemental career in the sexy car wash industry. OK … that’s not true. This was just a half-assed excuse to post pics of the leggy starlet in daisy duke shorts. The shots are from her upcoming comedy Bad Teacher.

The Box is now available on DVD and Blu-ray disc. Diaz plays a married woman who is given a mysterious box which holds the ability to provide good fortune for her family at the cost of a stranger’s life.

Diaz’s other horror titles include The Other Sister and My Best Friends Wedding.

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