You know a film is truly disturbing when it gets the entire online horror community to act like your mom. Director Srdjan Spasojevic’s A Serbian Film was screened at last week’s SXSW Festival and apparently pissed all over the fragile sensibilities of those in attendance.

Bloggers and critics have since continued to cry about the film’s grotesque over-the-top violence. Perhaps, the funniest- outcry comes from one Tex Maxipad over at Bloody-Disgusting, who not only gives A Serbian Film a poor grade due to its lack of “redeeming social, political, and artistic value,” but compares it to PETA propaganda and 9/11.

Since when does horror have to aspire to such lofty goals? Horror is popcorn thrills and dime-store psychology. Whether you’re afraid of ghosts, Dinocrocs & Supergators, or getting your limbs hacked off during sex, horror films play to our fears and our inherent nature to want to see people suffer through horrible ordeals from the safety of our homes.

A Serbian Film stars Srdjan Todorovic as a downtrodden ex-porn star trying to make ends meet for his family by taking on a role in a privately funded fetish video that involves acts both immoral and illegal (eye socket rape anyone?).

The film has yet to lock down distribution in the States.

Do you like scary movies?

Dimension Films is counting on your love of horror movies to revitalize their Scream franchise after a 10 year hiatus. Announced during last year’s American Film Market by original scribe Kevin Williamson, Scream 4 has now received an official release date of April 12, 2011.

Dimension Films head Bob Weinstein tells Variety:

Scream has been such an integral part of Dimension’s history, and I look forward to continuing the franchise.

Returning to the fold with Williamson are director Wes Craven and actors Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and—regrettably—David Arquette.

According to Williamson, Scream 4 may be the start of a new trilogy. The innovative series has earned over $500 million in worldwide coin.

Director/producer Michael Bay announced on his website today some surprising additions to the cast of Transformers 3.

From MichaelBay.com:

We just locked in Frances McDormand and John Malkovich. Both amazing actors I’ve always wanted to work with. We also just got Ken Jeong, he is the super funny actor stuck in the trunk from Hangover and the Doctor from Knocked Up.

(Translation: “He is the super funny actor stuck in the trunk from Hangover” = “The Asian guy stuck in the trunk from the Hangover.”)

Personally, I think Bay is going about his casting all wrong. Adding actors like Malkovich and McDormand to Transformers 3 is like putting Dubs on a Nissan Sentra—a waste of money and resource. Bring on Rachel Nichols, Gemma Atkinson, Olivia Wilde … or find the next Megan Fox. Boys like toys, dammit!

But, I digress.

Bay also revealed one of the new Autobots that will be joining Optimus Prime and the gang.

I also was at a Ferrari charity event this week raising money for a hospital being built by Ferrari in Haiti. I announced that night the newest Autobot to join Transformers: the Ferrari 458 Italia.

How cool will it be if the Ferrari is voiced by James Gandolfini and gets to smack around a Fiat for not having dinner ready?  Maybe it could even put a cap in some muli caddy’s tailpipe.

Peep the Ferrari 458 Italia:

Twilight Saga star Ashley Greene is feeling pretty immortal these days. The 23-year-old took time during last week’s South by Southwest festival in Austin, Texas to take a big smelly shit on the horror genre, insisting that her appearance in Dark Castle Entertainment’s The Apparition—::cough:: Paranormal Activity::cough—has elevated the film to new heights of cinematic genius.

She tells Cinematical:

It’s a psychological thriller that centers around these two characters, Kelly and Ben, who are played by myself and Sebastian Stan. We play a couple who are haunted by a supernatural force and we have to figure out what this thing wants. I definitely learned a lot of things about myself while filming this.

I was terrified, and as far as just being vulnerable and sad and hurt, and strong… it’s not a horror film; we want it to be elevated and scary along the lines of Poltergeist, so I definitely didn’t want Kelly to be one of those scared, dumb girls in a horror movie. So we all worked together, it’s been a huge collaboration in making these characters really smart.

I spoke with the director and producers to see exactly how they wanted to go about the film. The fact that it’s as far away from that mainstream horror film as you can get kind of relaxed me, because I wanted to be a part of it but I didn’t want to be in a horror film, so it worked out.

I certainly think Twilight has given me a lot of opportunities and it’s put me in a position and enabled me to be able to say, no, I don’t want to do that film, and I’m not going to do that, and I am going to do this. I’m in a very good position.

I’m looking forward to seeing what positions Greene will be in after the last Twilight films have come and gone. I predict something like this. Anyway, you don’t need to be a member of Mensa to enjoy Greene’s boobies.

The Apparition is currently shooting in Los Angeles. The film costars Harry Potter’s Tom Felton and  Julianna Guill, aka the topless chick from the recent Friday the 13th remake.

Rocker/director Rob Zombie is collaborating with comic artists Donny Hadiwidjaja and Val Staples to create Whatever Happened to Baron Von Shock, a dark comic series centering on the misadventures of a television horror host.

Zombie explains on his MySpace blog:

This comic venture is very, very different in tone for me. Instead of a crazy over-the-top monster-fest like El Superbeasto, I wanted to create something that works more on a slice of life human level.

Whatever Happened to Baron Von Shock is published by Image Comics and will be made available on May 26.

Warner Bros. head Alan Horn announced at ShoWest this week that a fifth Final Destination film is definitely in the cards for the studio. However, when pressed for details, he simply offered, “We can’t resist.”

But, fear not. The folks at Bloody-Disgusting managed to track down franchise producer Craig Perry to get a little more info.

Perry says:

If we find the right storyline for FD5 – and we’re working on it – then we’ll take the lessons we learned from TFD and make the necessary improvements to deliver what audiences expect from this franchise, going back to the original.

What I know for sure is that it will be in 3D and deliver inventive, suspenseful, fun kills. That I can promise!

The Final Destination series has earned a combined cume of over $500 million worldwide. Last year’s entry The Final Destination 3-D was the fourth top horror earner of 2009, behind The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Paranormal Activity, and Zombieland.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer has revealed the role that Oscar-winning actress Penelope Cruz will play in next summer’s highly anticipated swashbuckling sequel Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

He tells MTV:

She plays the daughter of Blackbeard. She’s the daughter of the bad guy. [there will be] a little romance between Captain Jack and the character that Penelope plays. She brings a lot of humor to it … she’s so feisty.

Bay also announced that he is currrently casting for new characters and that “Deadwood’s” Ian McShane will be playing Blackbeard, the “nastiest pirate ever.”

Jack Sparrow’s (Johnny Depp) vessel The Black Pearl was docked on the island of Oahu, Hawaii back in February. Production on Stranger Tides is set to begin in June.

When 72-year-old iconic actor David Carradine was found naked and dead in a Bangkok hotel with a rope tied around his neck and balls, most people assumed that he had accidentally killed himself while chasing the greatest orgasm known to man. It seemed like a reasonable explanation … up until now.

While perusing the internet today in search of a sturdy belt and doorknob, I came across new evidence that would suggest that Carradine’s death was no accident.

Take a look:

It’s my belief that Carradine knowingly offed himself in that seedy hotel after reflecting on the career decisions that led him to star in the upcoming SyFy creature-feature Dinocroc Vs. Supergator.

Am I alone in my reasoning? I don’t think so. Syfy has yet to announce an air date for the movie, leading me to believe that the masters for Dinocroc Vs. Supergator have probably been seized by authorities investigating the case.

I hope this finally lays to rest all misinformed concerns over the practice of auto-erotic asphyxiation. It’s perfectly safe, kids!

Lionsgate has picked up the North American rights to Ghost House Pictures’ Dibbuk Box, a creepy curse story based on an old internet urban legend brought to light by a 2004 Los Angeles Times piece entitled “A Jinx in a Box.”

According to the Times’ story, Oregon antiques collector Kevin Mannis put up an old Jewish wine cabinet box for sale on EBay when he came to realize that it was haunted by a dybbuk spirit (think a Yiddish poltergeist). Mannis claims that he, along with the box’s previous owners, had suffered sudden and inexplicable misfortune, possibly of a paranormal nature.

The box was purchased from Mannis in the summer of 2003 by Missouri college student Iosif Nietzke, who soon experienced some freaky shit of his own, including hair loss and peripheral visions of a lingering blurred figure. He put the box up for sale on EBay a year later.

Ghost House’s adaptation of the Dibbuk Box story will center on a family in possession of the haunted wine box and their attempt to be rid of it. The script is penned by Juliet Snowden and Stiles White, writers of the Nicholas Cage sci-fi thriller Knowing and the upcoming remakes Poltergeist (MGM) and The Birds (Universal).

Ghost House Pictures has produced the horror hits Drag Me to Hell, 30 Days of Night, and The Grudge. Founders Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert are also the producing team behind the Starz network’s sexy swords-&-sandals series “Spartacus: Blood and Sand.”

Michael Bay has got nards!

The uber-producer is looking to tap director Rob Cohen (The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor) to remake Fred Dekker’s beloved 1987 kid horror-comedy The Monster Squad. Cohen, who served as producer on the original film, would do so again with Bay and his Platinum Dunes partners Brad Fuller and Andrew Form.

Will he do it? Chances are good.

In a 2008 interview with New York’s Times Herald-Record, Cohen said:

It’s just one of those beautiful opportunities for a remake because it’s not like the first film was bad, but what was really bad was the marketing. So you’ve got a core fan group and a great property. A great story waiting to be rediscovered.

Written by Shane Black (Last Action Hero, Lethal Weapon), The Monster Squad followed a group of tween horror fans as they attempt to stop Dracula, the Wolfman, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Mummy, and the Gillman from unleashing the forces of evil upon the world. The TriStar release earned just short of $4 million upon its release.

Dekker, the original’s director, had previously poo-pooed on the idea of a remake, calling it tragic and stupid. He appears to have changed his tune a bit (most likely out of respect for Cohen) this morning after hearing the official announcement.

He tells Ain’t it Cool News:

It’d be one thing if another filmmaker wanted to soil my sandbox… but if it weren’t for Rob Cohen, the original movie would never have been made. So I don’t begrudge him wanting to play in his own sandbox. I wish him well, and thank him for the opportunity he gave me in the first place.

I did not discover The Monster Squad until last December when my friend Girard over at Hills of Woodland sat Mrs. Muertos and I down to watch the Blu-ray edition of the film.

We laughed, we cried, and were shocked by the sexual undercurrents in the film and by how big an asshole actor Tom Noonan (Frankenstein’s Monster) proves to be during the BTS interviews. It was also fun to hear Dekker explain his doomed career in depressing detail. If you have the means, I highly recommend you guys pick it up.