Let’s face it… not everyone likes horror movies or being herded through a horror maze at a Halloween haunt. These people are terrible, joyless individuals who deserve to die alone. Unfortunately, many have insanely hot bodies, making them impossible not to date.

So, what to do?

If you’re in Los Angeles, take them to Wokcano’s “Wok-ing Dead” Halloween Party on Saturday, Oct. 26 at the restaurant’s new Santa Monica location. The evening will include food and drink specials, dancing, and costume contests.

From the press release:

The WOK-ing DEAD Halloween Party will include Top 40 and House music by DJ Frankie, costume contests, a photobooth, and spooktacular food and drink specials from 8-10 p.m.

Guests can enter the costume contest for the chance to win hundreds in prizes for best zombie, sexiest, scariest, most original or best overall costume of the night. Come drink, dance and celebrate this multi-level outdoor nightclub with fellow demons, zombies and ghouls.

To purchase tickets and for complete event details, click here.

The 13th annual Screamfest LA horror film festival came to a close this week with the announcement of the Skully Award winners at a closing night party held at the Eclectic Wine Bar in North Hollywood. Top honors went to Ben Ketai’s (30 Days of Night: Dark Days) new thriller Beneath.

Beneath stars Jeff Fahey (“LOST”) and Kelly Noonan (Not Another Teen Movie) as coal miners trapped 600-feet below ground. The film took home six awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Special Effects and Best Make-up.

In my opinion, Paul Hyett’s The Seasoning House should have swept all major categories. The film did score a Best Actress win for then 17-year-old Rosie Day for her portrayal of an orphaned deaf-mute girl forced to tend to the abducted girls trapped in a rape house for soldiers.

Peep the list of winners:

BEST PICTURE: Beneath

BEST DIRECTOR: Ben Ketai, Beneath

BEST ACTRESS: Rosie Day, The Seasoning House

BEST ACTOR: Yahav Gal, Goldberg & Eisenberg

BEST MUSICAL SCORE: Bruno Grife,Goldberg & Eisenberg

BEST STUDENT SHORT: Aftermath

BEST SHORT: Luna

BEST MAKEUP: Gary Tunnicliffe, Beneath

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Timothy A. Burton, Beneath

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS: JD Schwalm, Beneath

BEST EDITING: Olivier Beguin, Chimeres

Paramount Pictures has released the first trailer for Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, a Latino based companion film to the blockbuster horror series launched by director/writer Oren Peli and producer Jason Blum in 2007.

The trailer’s start makes you think you’re about to watch a sequel to End of Watch until the supernatural shenanigans kick in. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is written and directed by Christopher Landon (Burning Palms) and will be in theaters on Jan. 3, 2014.

Peep it:

Joey, do you like movies about Gladiators?

Millennium Films has released a three-minute trailer for Hercules: The Legend Begins, a re-telling of the mythical hero’s origins from director Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, Die Hard 2), starring Kellan Lutz (Twilight Saga) as Hercules.

Co-stars include Liam McIntyre (“Spartacus: War of the Damned”) as Sotiris, Gaia Weiss as Princess Hebe, Scott Adkins (Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning) as King Amphitryon and Roxanne McKee (“Game of Thrones”) as Queen Alcmene (pictured above).

Peep it:

Genesis Rodriguez (The Last Stand) is set to join writer and director Kevin Smith’s new horror film Tusk. She joins a cast that includes Justin Long (Drag Me to Hell) and Michael Parks (Red State). Cameras are slated to roll next month with Demarest Films and Smodcast Pictures producing.

Tusk tells the story of a young podcaster (Long) taken captive and made to wear a walrus suit by the demented old sailor he had planned to interview for his show. Variety broke the news of Rodriguez’s casting, but no word on what role the stunner is playing.

Rodriguez, daughter of international pop singer José Luis Rodríguez (aka El Puma), is coming off the Melissa McCarthy comedy hit Identity Thief and the Arnold Schwarzenegger actioner The Last Stand. She can also be seen as a jiggly, stripping heist babe in the highly underrated thriller Man on a Ledge.

Human Centipede star Ashlynn Yennie told Screamfest LA attendees at the world premiere of Schism tonight that what appealed to her about starring in the film was the opportunity to play a good girl, namely the sexy and supportive girlfriend of a Baton Rouge chef haunted by visions of his violent and evil past.

Fortunately, writer/director Adam Gierasch’s idea of a good girl is someone who goes completely nude during sex. Gierasch and Yennie both explained how the full frontal nudity was necessary because they wanted an honest portrayal of people fucking.

Yennie’s nude scene is lengthy and wonderfully gratuitous and comes early in the film, which is a good thing because Schism goes gonzo pretty quick, making it a challenge to sit through. Co-starring with Yennie are Callum Blue (“Dead Like Me”) as the chef, Vinnie Jones (Snatch) as a vicious human trafficker, and stunner Nicole LaLiberte (Girls Against Boys) as a prostate-massaging stripper.

It’s a great time to be a fan of Halloween haunts. From the annual big-budget events to the new alternative fright experiences, there are many ways to live out one’s nightmares. Finding an attraction that’s big on both scares and production values, however, is like scoring a King Size Snickers bar in the ole jack-o-lantern.

The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor haunt in Long Beach, CA is just that: a super-sized treat guaranteed to satisfy. The attraction features six frightful mazes (maybe the longest around in all of Los Angeles?) including its newest called The Circus, a big top splatterfest where victims are clowned by ghoulish jokers inside a claustrophobic house of mirrors, before being subjected to the goriest show on earth.

Dark Harbor is also home to a circus sideshow this year. Spectators stepping into the four shipyard containers to view the freaks are left alone in the pitch black that is lair to the Shadow Spirit; the thick mist that hides the White Spirit; the realms ruled by disfigured oddities Headless Hannah and The Human Crab; and at the mercy of Sparky, a toasted corpse out to burn onlookers with his sidesplitting zingers.

Dark Harbor’s creepiest mazes are those that sprawl out on board the Queen Mary: Submerged, Hellfire, and Deadrise. Roaming the historic ocean liner’s narrow corridors, engine rooms, and hulls makes for a unique and creepy experience that everyone should live through at least once. Just standing inside the ship captures the imagination… captures and beats the shit out of it with an oar.

Should anyone’s heart come dangerously close to stopping, Dark Harbor provides a handful of rides to get the adrenaline pumping, including a high speed zip line above event grounds—which my wife, Mrs. Muertos, rode while I held her purse on terra firma… What? The keys to my very manly hemi-powered pickup with the shotgun rack on top were inside.

Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor is now open and runs through Nov. 2. Tickets and complete event details can be found here. The event is a lot of fun and trumps last year’s Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Hollywood. Just saying.

The world premiere of Jordan Barker’s home invasion thriller Torment will be held tonight at Screamfest LA, the longest running horror film festival in the US, taking place now through Oct. 17 in North Hollywood. The film stars Katherine Isabelle (American Mary) and  Robin Dunne (“Sanctuary”).

For tickets and detailed info, click here.

Written by new scribe Michael Foster, Torment follows a family of three as they discover that they are not alone during what was supposed to be a quiet family getaway in the countryside. Co-stars include Peter DaCunha (The Barrens) and Stephen McHattie (Haunter).

Peep it:

Universal Pictures has released a new trailer for 47 Ronin, a fantasy actioner that follows a group of samurai as they set out to avenge the death of their master by a brutal warlord, while fighting off “a savage world of mythic beasts, shape-shifting witchcraft and wondrous terrors.”

47 Ronin is directed by someone named Carl Rinsch and stars Keanu Reeves and Pacific Rim’s Rinko Kikuchi.(from the looks of it as a dragon). The film opens on Christmas Day.

Peep it:

IFC has released a red band trailer for horror icon Dario Argento’s outrageous adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. The film revolves around Jonathan Harker (Unax Ugalde), an estate agent whose business with Dracula (Thomas Krestschmann) leads to his entrapment at the Count’s castle in Transylvannia.

One fateful night, while attempting to escape, he encounters the three Brides of Dracula, played by Maria Cristina Heller (Angels and Demons), Morgane Slemp and Spanish-Italian actress Miriam Giovanelli, who goes fully nude for the role (pictured above).

Also along for the ride are Rutger Hauer (Hobo with a Shotgun) as Van Helsing, Marta Gastini (The Rite) as Mina Harker and Asia Argento, Dario’s daughter, as a very nude Lucy Westenra (kinky!). Argento’s Dracula is now available on VOD.

Peep it: