If you’re reading Clatto on Christmas Day, there’s a good chance you weren’t invited to join in on any Baby Jesus games. Well, don’t sweat it. Being loved will only get in the way of your serial killing dreams and degenerate lifestyle.
So, go on and get yourself a bottle of Belvedere, strip down to your underwear, and jingle your bell all the way while surfing the site.
Merry X-mas!
A grimy, grindhouse-y NSFW trailer for writer/director /actor Michael Biehn’s upcoming girls-in-peril thriller The Victim has hit the web. The film stars Biehn as an antisocial woodsman named Kyle who comes to the aid of a large breasted blonde (Jennifer Blanc) whose stripper/coke-head BFF (Danielle Harris) has been sexually assaulted by a couple of sheriff’s deputies in the woods.
Peep the sleazy trailer:
Now, just in case anyone got distracted by Blanc’s ample nude breasts or Harris’ doggy-style rape, the film’s official synopsis reads:
Good time girls Annie (Blanc) and Mary (Harris) find themselves in a life and death situation. Annie’s life is put in jeopardy when she is witness to a violent act at the hands of two Sheriff’s Deputies. Fleeing from attackers (Ryan Honey, Denny Kirkwood), she stumbles across Kyle (Biehn), a recluse living in the middle of the woods.
The ruggedly handsome loner stays far from civilization – that is – until a single knock on his door throws his solitary life into chaos. Two worlds collide in this psychological thriller that will make you question your trust in mankind. Who is the victim?
Horror fans will of course recognize Harris from such films as Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1 & 2, The Black Waters of Echo Pond, Hatchet 2, and the old-school sequels Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers and Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers—both of which she starred in as a tween. Her costar Blanc, on the other hand, may not be quite as familiar face.
Blanc has appeared on multiple TV shows—mostly non-horror—and previously starred with Harris in the starlet’s directorial debut Prank. The 36-year-old stunner also happens to be Biehn’s wife, which makes her topless appearance in the film and its trailer kinda kinky in a cuckold sort of way (what? am I alone here?).
Danielle Harris is featured on Clatto’s list of The 20 Hottest Women Working in Horror/Sci-fi Today.
Scottish actress Karen Gillan stars as Amy Pond on Britain’s long-running sci-fi series “Dr. Who.” The 23-year-old redhead also makes an appearance in Vertigo Films’ creature-feature Outcast. Thanks to these two genre creds, we can stroke to appreciate her sexy Shortlist magazine shots without selling out our penis’s integrity.
The pics and an interview (in which Gillan declares her love for geeks over studs) appear in the December issue of the mag. But, I scored you a copy here.
Acclaimed director Darren Aronofsky’s (The Fountain) new psychological thriller Black Swan opened this month to critical accolades and Oscar buzz.
The film, which follows an emotionally unstable ballet dancer who may or may not be the target of her sexy, evil alternate during a production of Swan Lake, includes an intense and titillating masturbation scene from star Natalie Portman.
I saw the film last week and I have to admit that it’s a very haunting moment in the film. In fact, my penis is still doing pirouettes over it. You can check it out here.
Natalie Portman made Clatto’s list of The 20 Hottest Women Working in Horror/Sci-fi Today.
Photos from Universal Studios Home Entertainment’s upcoming prequel Death Race: Frankenstein Lives have hit the web. Directed by Roel Reine (Scorpion King: Rise of the Dead), the film stars former-prison-inmate-turned-Hollywood-headliner Danny Trejo, Sean Bean, Ving Rhames, Luke Goss, Lauren Cohan, and South African model/actress Tanit Phoenix (pictured above).
(UPDATE: SEE TANIT PHOENIX & HER GLORIOUS BREASTS IN DEATH RACE 2 BTS HERE)
Phoenix, who also headlined Corey Feldman’s mortgage payment Lost Boys: The Thirst, spoke to Skewed and Reviewed about her role:
I play Katrina Banks, an ex-military sniper sent to prison for killing her superior officer, you find out why in the film. I am forced, by the prison warden, to navigate the mustang with the lead actor, played by Luke Goss, who becomes my love interest.
I am feisty and love fast cars and I can handle my own when it comes to fighting. The only other thing I needed to wrap my head around was the scenario of being thrown in prison. Although Katrina Banks inherently is a military woman, she did kill a man, so she has to deal with prison life.
But hanging out with Danny Trejo on set helped me get into the mind of a convict. He shared some amazing stories of his past with me. I feel lucky to have had those moments to get to know him, as I consider him a part of my family now.
Damn. I knew I should have gotten my Tweety bird tattoo on my chest. Chicks dig chest tats.
The original Death Race 2000 was produced by Roger Corman in 1975 and starred chronic masturbator David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone. The film was remade by director Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil: Afterlife) in 2008 with Jason Statham in the driver’s seat. The remake earned over $72 million in worldwide coin.
Death Race: Frankenstein Lives arrives on DVD and Blu-ray on Jan. 18, 2011.
The folks behind Syfy’s upcoming “Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome” appear to be hard at work dreaming up cool concepts and creatures for the “Battlestar Galactica” prequel series. The network has released four concept images teasing slick looking cylons, aliens, and Lucy Lawless topless with naked slave girls … oh wait, that last one is “Spartacus: Blood and Sand.”
The synopsis for “Blood and Chrome” reads:
Ensign William Adama, barely in his 20’s and a recent Academy graduate, finds himself assigned to the newest battlestar in the Colonial fleet … the Galactica. The talented but hot-headed risk-taker soon finds himself leading a dangerous top secret mission that, if successful, will turn the tide of the decade long war in favor of the desperate fleet.
For those of you who were busy getting laid, William Adama was played by Jaime Escalante Edward James Olmos in Syfy’s original “Battlestar” series. Here’s hoping the prequel series gives us some much needed background on Adama’s horrible pockmarks.
A two-hour movie will kick off the series in late 2011 or early 2012.
Images courtesy of Blastr:
Magnet Films has released a red-band trailer for director Christopher Smith’s (Severance) gruesome bubonic plague frightener Black Death. The film, which premiered over the summer in the U.K., will have a limited release in the States on March 11, 2011 (or you can see it on Feb. 4 via On Demand).
Peep it (via Hulu):
“To split a man from his asshole to his apple” – Those have got to be the most horrifying words ever spoken.
The film’s official synopsis reads:
The year is 1348. Europe has fallen under the shadow of the Black Death. As the plague decimates all in its path, fear and superstition are rife.
In this apocalyptic environment, the church is losing its grip on the people. There are rumors of a village, hidden in marshland that the plague cannot reach. There is even talk of a necromancer who leads the village and is able to bring the dead back to life.
Ulric, a fearsome knight, is charged by the church to investigate these rumors. He enlists the guidance of a novice monk, Osmund to lead him and his band of mercenary soldiers to the marshland, but Osmund has other motives for leaving his monastery.
Their journey to the village and events that unfold take them into the heart of darkness and to horrors that will put Osmund’s faith in himself and his love for God to the ultimate test.
Black Death stars Sean Bean (Death Race: Frankenstein Lives) as the knight Ulric and Eddie Redmayne (Powder Blue) as the monk Osmund. Costars include Carice van Houten (Repo Men), David Warner (Planet of the Apes), and Kimberly Nixon (Easy Virtue).
Spiderman starlet Kirsten Dunst tells Vanity Fair that she will go nude in Danish director/degenerate Lars von Trier’s (Antichrist) end-of-the-world sci-fi thriller Melancholia. Dunst, who also goes topless in this month’s relationship drama All Good Things, appears to be embracing her God-given talents of T&A.
She tells VF:
After this [All Good Things], I also have a nude scene in Melancholia. So they’ll get used to seeing me naked. Trust me, they’ll be over it by the next film.
Yes, it will be like watching our sister get naked. Our sexy, very busty sister.
Budgeted at a modest $7 million, Melancholia follows a group of people as they freak the fuck out upon discovering that the earth is on a collision course with another planet. Dunst landed the lead role of Justine after Oscar-winning actress Penelope Cruz backed out to star in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.
Melancholia costars Keifer Sutherland (Mirrors), Charlotte Gainsbourg (Antichrist), Udo Kier (Halloween), Charlotte Rampling (Never Let Me Go), Alexander Skarsgaard (“True Blood”), and Stellan Skarsgaard (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo).
Producer Eli Roth’s supernatural frightener The Last Exorcism is set to arrive on DVD and Blu-ray in the States on Jan. 4 (Dec. 27 in the U.K.). To promote the home editions during the holiday season, Lionsgate has released a sexy clip featuring one of Santa’s naughty little helpers performing a little striptease for your viewing pleasure.
If you’ve been good, take a look:
Directed by Daniel Stamm (A Necessary Death), The Last Exorcism employs shaky-cam techniques to capture an evangelical minister’s last exorcism in documentary fashion. The film stars Ashley Bell, Patrick Fabian (Pig), Iris Bahr (The Poughkeepsie Tapes), Jamie Alyson Caudle (Jonah Hex), Louis Herthum (Mutants), and Tony Bentley (The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans).
Thanks to the friendly degenerates at HorrorAsylum for the clip.
Relativity Media wants you to imagine how your life would change if you could just take a pill that allows you to become the perfect you. In my case, that would mean being able to eat one of those giant 10-pound burgers I see on the Food Network.
For Bradley Cooper’s character in director Neil Burger’s Limitless (previously entitled Dark Fields), the drug allows him to go from slacker/writer to motivated rich guy. Of course, he also finds the kind of trouble that one avoids by keeping their aspirations low.
Peep the trailer:
See? I’m telling you: stick to the 10-pound burger. You won’t get to bang Abbie Cornish, but you won’t feel like jumping off a tall building.
Based on the book by Alan Glynn, Dark Fields is the story of a struggling copy-writer (Cooper) who finds financial success after stealing an experimental pharmaceutical drug called MDT-48 that makes people smarter, but slows down their perception of time.
Limitless arrives in theaters on March 18, 2011.