If you felt your Jujubes tighten and your Hebrew National swell while watching French actress Delphine Chanéac portrayal of a half-human/half-bird-like-creature in director Vincenzo Natali’s controversial sci-fi frightener Splice, you’re probably wondering what the hell is wrong with you.
Relax. You’re not alone.
The following is a list of Clatto’s 11 sexiest maneaters. Bon appetite!
11. GINGER FITZGERALD (KATHARINE ISABELLE/ GINGER SNAPS, 2000)
Teen misfit sisters Ginger and Brigitte Fitzgerald enjoy fantasizing about leaving their small Canadian suburb via suicide pact, a promise they made to each other when they were eight-years-old. Ginger, the hot one of he two, is especially eager to get to the Hot Topic in the sky. That, however, changes when she’s dragged into the woods by the Beast of Baily Downs, a werewolf-creature responsible for the mutilated deaths of the townsfolk’s dogs.
Ginger is rescued by her sister Brigitte, but her body soon succumbs to the lycanthrope’s bites. She grows hair in odd places, sprouts a tail, and develops a hunger for flesh that is only rivaled by her animalistic sex drive.
Actress Katharine Isabelle scored the role of Ginger Fitzgerald in 2000 at the age of 19. She revisited the character three years later in the sequel Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed and the prequel Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (both shot back-to-back). Isabelle has also starred in Freddy Vs. Jason, Chris Nolan’s Insomnia, Uwe Boll’s Rampage, and the 1998 Katie Holmes’ vehicle Disturbing Behavior.
Sadly, she is notorious for turning down nude scenes and has been quoted as saying:
Everyone wants you naked. I think I’ve done one or two movies in the past six years where they haven’t tried something slimey to get me naked.
That kind of selfish attitude will only land you at #11 on our countdown, sister.
10. DAWN O’KEEFE (JESS WEIXLER/ TEETH, 2007)
While fighting off a date-rapist, pretty teen virgin Dawn O’Keefe unexpectedly castrates her assailant’s penis with her vagina.
Horrified and confused, she seeks out a doctor to diagnose what she suspects could be a Vagina Dentata (toothed vagina). The doc confirms her fears when he attempts to finger-bang Dawn under the guise of an exam and ends up losing the digits on his right hand.
Dawn goes on to learn that her ravenous vagina can be muzzled by love when she goes to bed with her friend Ryan. Unfortunately for Ryan’s cock, Dawn discovers that screwing her had been part of a wager between Ryan and his buddy, and he is soon parted from the BFF in his pants.
As Dawn’s pussy-control grows stronger, she plots revenge on her sleazy stepbrother after learning that he was part of the reason their mother died.
The role won actress Jess Weixler the Special Jury Prize for Dramatic Performance at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival. The 28-year-old has regrettably failed to score another part as outrageous and memorable as Dawn O’Keefe, but her performance will forever remind guys to just keep asking for the butt (ain’t no such thing as an Anus Dentata).
9. DREN (DELPHINE CHANEAC/ SPLICE, 2010)
Test-tube babe Dren was created in a lab by geneticists Clive Nicoli and Elsa Kast after successfully splicing human and animal DNA together in a secret—and highly illegal—experiment.
Dren grows at an accelerated rate physically, mentally, and emotionally. She soon feels an attraction to “father” Clive and resentment towards her “mother” Elsa, setting the stage for a twisted morality play that would give Freud a boner for days.
But, back to the maneating. Though we don’t see Dren devour anyone in the film, she is a carnivore. And, considering what happens to her in the film, I’m pretty confident some peeps are gonna be grub later on (if any sequels are made).
Despite Dren’s bald head, freakish bird feet, retractable wings, and long tail (hey, at least she ain’t fat), she is oddly attractive. A big reason for that is, of course, is the casting of beautiful French actress Delphine Chanéac in the role. Splice is the 31-year-old’s U.S. feature film debut.
To see an interview with Chanéac about playing Dren, go here.
8. SARLACC PIT (RETURN OF THE JEDI, 1983)
It’s a big vagina, right?
It gobbled up Boba Fett and almost ate Lando Calrissian?
7. JULIE WALKER (MELINDA CLARKE/ RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, 1993)
When kinky redhead Julie Walker gives her boyfriend Curt Reynolds a reach-around while barreling down a highway on his motorcycle, the duo end up getting into an accident that leaves Julie dead.
Desperate and heartbroken, Curt sets out to revive Julie with the same Trioxin gas used by his father Col. John Reynolds to reanimate corpses in top-secret military experiments. He’s successful, but soon discovers that Julie is no longer as interested in giving head as she is in eating brains, a condition that causes her great grief.
Julie, however, soon learns that she can fight off her hunger pangs with physical pain, a fortuitous little trick that allows her to not eat her boyfriend. Unfortunately, the couple doesn’t get much time to rekindle their love affair as they are being chased by military officials and the homies of a hispanic gangbanger whose head Julie ate out like a taco salad.
Played in 1993 by a then 24-year-old Melinda Clarke, Julie Walker is arguably the hottest living-dead girl in the zombie genre. Sadly, Clarke swore off horror soon after Return of the Living Dead 3 wrapped (reportedly over it being a bad experience to make), even turning down a part in Wes Craven’s original Scream.
Clarke, who played milf Julie Cooper on the Fox prime time soap “The O.C.” from 2003-to-2007, was cast earlier this year as Kelly Donovan in the CW’s hugely successful “Vampire Diaries.” My penis is thrilled to see the 41-year-old stunner back among the living-dead.
6. GRENDEL’S MOTHER (ANGELINA JOLIE/ BEOWULF, 2007)
After her son Grendel is killed by legendary warrior Beowulf at King Hrothgar’s request, Grendel’s Mother takes revenge on the king and the remaining survivors—leaving all but Beowulf and his mate Wiglaf dead in her wake.
Enraged, Beowulf follows Grendel’s Mother back to her cave with the intent of putting her down, but is instead seduced by her nude beauty and promises of power. The scene is a departure from the epic Anglo-Saxon poem, but provides the sexiest animated images this side of Bug Bunny in a wig.
In the poem, Grendel’s Mother is described as maneating ogre and is slain by Beowulf with an ancient and magical sword. But, in this film, as portrayed by Angelina Jolie, she is a busty, high-heeled, reptilian-like siren who easily convinces Beowulf to impregnate her with a new son.
5. JESSICA HAMBY (DEBORAH ANN WOLL/ “TRUE BLOOD,” 2008)
She’ll eat your mama.
Born to a devout Christian family in Louisiana, rebellious 17-year-old spitfire Jessica Hamby is hungry for excitement. After sneaking off to Fangtasia (a bloodsucker bar) one fateful night, she is abducted to be made a vampire by Bill Compton as reparation for his murder of another vamp.
Hamby is scared shitless and pleads for her life to no avail. When she returns from the dead, she is vampire and her fears subside as she becomes aware of her supernatural powers and gets a taste of freedom for the first time.
Her impetuous nature and blood-lust make it difficult for Compton to control her. Her fang-banger boyfriend appears to have more success reigning her in up until she attacks his mother for being mean.
Sexy 25-year-old actress Deborah Ann Woll describes the character as “a child with a gun.” She tells the Toronto Sun:
To give that much power to someone so young and inexperienced — and particularly this girl, who was sheltered and abused for so long — it’s a truly dangerous prospect.
Woll, a self-described horror fan, will soon be seen opposite Josh Lucas and Terrence Howard in the New Orleans based ghost story Little Murder and in director Darren Lynn Bousman’s (Saw 3) upcoming psycho-family thriller Mother’s Day.
4. SIL (NATASHA HENSTRIDGE/ SPECIES, 1995)
A group of scientists following DNA splicing instructions given to them by an extraterrestrial species create a female alien/human hybrid named SIL.
SIL matures at an accelerated rate and becomes a danger to the scientists. They try to kill her, but she escapes from their facility and navigates her way to Los Angeles in search of a suitable mate to impregnate her. Those who don’t fit the bill, are slaughtered (seems reasonable).
(The guy’s reaction to the “I want a baby” announcement is pretty authentic … alien chick or not)
Canadian model-turned-actress Natasha Henstridge made her very naked debut with Species. She reprised the role in 1998’s Species II and briefly in 2004’s Species III.
Henstridge went on to headline the laughably bad sci-fi actioner Adrenaline: Fear the Rush and John Carpenter’s forgettable Ghosts of Mars. Species remains her biggest movie to date, having reportedly turned down the female lead in Men in Black and the role of Jill Valentine in Resident Evil: Apocalypse.
3. JENNIFER CHECK (MEGAN FOX/JENNIFER’S BODY, 2009)
Popular high-schooler Jennifer Check is left for dead in the woods after being sacrificed to Satan in exchange for stardom by emo-rockers Low Shoulder. Jennifer doesn’t die, but is instead possessed by a powerful demon.
As Jennifer’s body begins to rot, she must feed on fresh meat to revitalize her appearance and disposition. She chooses to dine on boys, but makes a fatal mistake when she sets her eyes on her best friend’s beau.
2. SATANICO PANDEMONIUM (SALMA HAYEK/ FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, 1996)
“Bow your head, kneel, and worship at the feet of Satanico Pandemonium.”
So commands bartender/club MC Razor Charlie as he introduces vampire-queen and Titty Twister feature dancer Satanico Pandemonium to the doomed patrons in attendance. After arguably performing the most boner-inducing table-dance in movie history (complete with six-foot-long albino Burmese python, kinky foot-play, and music by Tito & Tarantula), Satanico sets off a brutal feeding frenzy when she pounces on fugitive Richie Gecko.
Though she’s on screen for less than 10-minutes, Salma Hayek steals the movie with nothing more than her eye-popping curves, hypnotic hip grind, and sultry come-hither looks. Sadly, Hayek has yet to return to the horror genre, choosing instead to produce and star in projects that require clothes.
1. THE NAGIN (MALLIKA SHERAWAT/ HISSS, 2010)
A half-woman/half-snake creature known in Eastern folklore as the Nagin sets out to avenge the capture of her mate in India by an American hunter on holiday.
Indian actress Mallika Sherawat, known as the Marilyn Monroe of Bollywood, plays the lethal, but alluring, snake goddess. The curvy 33-year-old stunner describes her character as “very sexy, venomous and it can swallow you whole.”
Swallow you whole? That will get you the #1 slot every time!
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