Anyone who has ever landed on Univision or Telemundo while flipping channels knows that the female talent on Spanish-speaking networks are always top-heavy and gorgeous. In fact, actresses and news anchors are often removed from the airwaves and put on a deserted island to die when they turn 35 or balloon up to 118lbs (whichever comes first).

That commitment to excellence can make any man sit through hours of melodramatic novellas and alarmist news programming. But, every now-and-then, a program comes along that actually combines quality story-telling with high production values and large-breasted, nearly-nude starlets. “Mujeres Asesinas” (which translates to “Murderous Women” for you gringos) is one such show.

“Mujeres Asesinas” is Mexican producer Pedro Torres procedural about bloodthirsty, homicidal women. Each episode revolves around a murder committed by a woman—or group of women—over feelings of scorn, jealousy, greed, fear, and/or pure evil. The show is currently on its second season and stars some of Latin America’s most beautiful women.

The first episode I saw, entitled “Las Garrido, Codiciosas” (“The Covetous Garridos”), follows a trio of sisters determined to win the deed to a house owned by the eldest sister’s abusive, gamble-holic husband.

The girls (Patricia Navidad, Galilea Montijo, Ana Brenda) engage the old man in a sex-fueled game that finds him signing over the contract in exchange for simultaneous blow-jobs from his wife’s sisters. Upset over being played so easily, he demands an opportunity to win back his loss via Russian roulette.

Aye Caramba: Galilea Montijo

“Mujeres Asesinas” matches any crime-drama on American TV in style and thrills. Think of it as “Desperate Housewives” meets “CSI,” but with a much hotter cast that changes from week-to-week.

“Mujeres Asesinas 2” airs on Univison on Thursdays at 10 p.m.

Dear Diary,

It’s Eddie again. I just came across some new photos of “Vampire Diaries” star Nina Dobrev in a bikini. Apparently, she was taking a holiday at the Gansevoort Turks + Caicos resort on Grace Bay and decided to go for a dip.

Now, my brain tells me I should appreciate every actress that sports a bikini, but my penis isn’t so sure. Dobrev is cute, but is she Kleenex-worthy? She kinda just looks like the girl-next-door, which is especially awkward for me because the girl living next door to me is my sister. But, I digress.

The question is: Can you really fantasize about the girl-next-door? I mean, with enough booze, some rope, and a sturdy alibi, anyone can nail the girl-next-door. I think Hollywood starlets should go the extra mile and make their bodies perfect. If Heidi Montag can do it, Dobrev should too.

“The Vampire Diaries” is writer-producer Kevin Williamson’s (Scream, “Dawson’s Creek”) adaptation of L.J. Smith’s popular novel series of the same name for the CW television network. The show follows high-schooler Elena Gilbert (Dobrev) as she’s courted by two vampire brothers.

The show airs at 8 p.m. on Thursdays.

[Show as slideshow]

Australian actress/singer/TV host Natalie Bassingthwaighte headlines Xenon Pictures new survival-frightener Outback (formerly entitled Prey). The film is Bassingthwaighte’s first since playing a showgirl in 2006’s lesbian crime-drama When Darkness Falls.

Set in Australia, Outback follows an American couple as they meet up with two Aussie couples for some outdoors fun in the bush. Unfortunately for everyone, some nasty aborigines and an old curse threaten to holiday into horror show.

Bassingthwaighte is the host of “So You Think You Can Dance: Australia.” The 34-year-old shelia is also a music artist, having performed in the musicals “Rent,” “Footloose,” and “Grease” (she played Sandy). Her debut CD “1000 Stars” hit number one on the Australian charts.

Outback costars Ben Kermode, Jesse Johnson, Natalie Walker, Christian Clark, and Kristin Sargen. It goes straight-to-DVD on July 13.

Spanish actress Belen Rueda stars as a woman attempting to solve the mysterious murder of her sister before losing her sight in director Guillem Morales psychological-thriller Julia’s Eyes. The film costars Lluis Homar (Broken Embraces) and is produced by Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth).

Feast your eyes:

Rueda starred in director Juan Antonio Bayona’s critically acclaimed ghost-thriller The Orphanage (also produced by del Toro) and in last year’s horror spoof Spanish Movie, costarring Leslie Nielsen.

Julia’s Eyes is due out later this year.

Victoria Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the latest set of boobs name being tossed around as a possible replacement for Megan Fox in Michael Bay’s soon-to-start shooting Transformers 3. (UPDATE: THE REAL REASON FOX WAS FIRED REVEALED)

Whiteley doesn’t have any film credits under her garter belt, but she does drain action star Jason Statham’s (The Transporter) balls on a nightly basis. That’s gotta pay off sooner or later, right?

Of course, the chances that this rumor will prove to be true are pretty slim, but I really wanted  to masturbate post the above picture of Whiteley in action. (UPDATE: ROSIE IS CAST)

Other hot chicks rumored to be in the running for Transformers 3 include Zoe Saldana (Avatar), Gemma Arterton (Clash of the Titans), Amber Heard (The Stepfather), Hayden Panetierre (”Heroes”), Ashley Green (The Twilight Saga), Vanessa Hudgens (Beastly), and Mila Kunis (Book of Eli).

To read about Megan Fox’s departure from Transformers 3, go here.

Universal Studios Orlando is set to open its latest themed attraction The Wizarding World of Harry Potter on June 18. Star Emma Watson, however, got to visit the park yesterday.

Watson, who plays Hermione Granger, was joined by Potter costars Robbie Coltrane (Rubeus Hagrid), Oliver and James Phelps (George and Fred Weasley) and Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom).

Take a look:

Said Watson:

A film set has a cut-off point, you know, you’re only using a particular section of it, but this is a completely immersive environment. Being here was actually really moving and emotional for me, because I know that the sets are going to come down, but this will be here forever.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter will feature attractions, shops, and restaurants themed after the Harry Potter films. Rides include the Dragon Challenge, a twin high-speed roller coaster set to a Triwizard Tournament backdrop and Flight of the Hippogriff, a family coaster set to simulate a Hippogriff training flight over Hogwarts Castle. The castle, itself, plays a role in the state-of-the-art interactive attraction Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey.

Anchor Bay has locked down North American, Australian, and U.K. distribution rights to director Kaare Andrews’ in-flight frightener Altitude. The film stars “90210” babe Jessica Lowndes and Julianna Guill, endearingly known to horror fans as the topless chick from the Friday the 13th reboot.

Says Anchor Bay president Bill Clark:

Altitude is a film that seems destined to fly high with anyone who likes a good scare. Just like The Blair Witch Project or Paranormal Activity, this is a new type of high concept thriller which is loaded with attitude and style.

Lowndes horror creds include The Haunting of Molly Hartley, Autopsy, and the Masters of Horror episode “Dance of the Dead.”

In addition to Friday the 13th, Guill has headlined MTV’s My Super Psycho Sweet 16 and stars opposite Ashley Greene and Tom Felton in director Todd Lincoln’s upcoming ghost story Apparition.

James Franco (Spiderman) is set to star in Twentieth Century Fox’s upcoming Planet of the Apes prequel Rise of the Apes.

The 32-year-old actor will play a San Francisco-based scientist determined to keep an ape named Caesar safe from drug testing experiments. What he doesn’t know is that Caesar will eventually lead a revolution against mankind.

Production on Rise of the Apes begins on July 5. Rupert Wyatt (The Escapist) is attached as director.

The international trailer for director Vincenzo Natali’s (Cube) long-delayed sci-fi morality tale Splice has been released. The clip draws heavily from the film’s monster sequences and provides a pretty good idea of the scares to come.

Splice stars Adrien Brody (Predators) and Sarah Polley (Dawn of the Dead) as ethically-compromised geneticists who successfully splice human and animal DNA to create a hybrid female named Dren.

Check it out:

Natali has been trying to get Splice made for nearly a decade. Budgeting issues and concern over the movie’s controversial themes had kept studios from picking up the project up until this year’s Sundance Film Festival, where Warner Bros. scored U.S. distribution rights.

Splice costars David Hewlett (“Stargate: Atlantis”), Abigail Chu (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), Amanda Brugel (Jason X), Brandon McGibbon (Saw 5) and Delphine Chanéac as Dren. Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy) serves as executive producer.

The film makes its way into theaters on June 4. To see a gallery & learn more, go here.

Julie Benz (“Dexter”) and Michael Chiklis (“The Shield”) star in ABC’s new fall superhero-dramedy “No Ordinary Family.”

The duo play Jim and Stephanie Powell, an exasperated married couple weighed down by work obligations and the hardships of raising teenagers. While on vacation, the family survives a freak accident that leaves them with supernatural powers.

Check out the trailer:

The show’s official synopsis reads:

The Powells are about to go from ordinary to extraordinary. After 16 years of marriage, Jim and Stephanie’s relationship lacks the spark it once had, and their family life now consists of balancing work and their two children, leaving little time for family bonding.

During a family vacation set up by Jim in an attempt to reconnect, their plane crashes into the Amazon River. But this is where the fun starts for the Powells, as they soon discover that something’s not quite right. Each of them now possesses unique and distinct superpowers.

But saving and savoring their family life will be equally important, as they try to find purpose for their new powers and embark on a journey to find out what defines and unifies them. The Powells are a totally relatable family who happen to be a little bit amazing.

“No Ordinary Family” costars Kay Panabaker (“CSI”), Jimmy Bennett (Orphan), Autumn Reeser (Lost Boys: The Tribe), Tate Donovan (Damages), Romany Malco (Gulliver’s Travels) and Christina Chang (“CSI: Miami”).

The series debuts in the fall.