If you sat through the shit-bowl that was served up last summer as G.I. Joe, you probably wondered who the ridiculously hot, top-heavy redhead was undermining Sienna Miller’s stroke-value. I, for one, was surprised to discover the actress was none other than Rachel Nichols, star of P2 and The Amityville Horror remake.

Nichols’ portrayal as ass-kicking Joe member Scarlett no doubt helped her lock down the role of Tamara in director Marcus Nispel’s upcoming Conan the Barbarian remake. The 30-year-old and her magnificent breasts reportedly beat out Jessica Lucas and Sarah Shahi’s magnificent breasts for the part.

According to a leaked casting breakdown, the Tamara character is:

18-to-24 Caucasian or Middle Eastern, open to all ethnicities; beautiful, studious, correct, a novitiate of a Greek influenced monastery. A master of martial arts, she has been trained to be the Queen’s servant, bodyguard and best friend.

She and many other female bodyguards to the queen have been in hiding most of their lives because of the curse of Acheron, which would take the queen’s life to bring almost immortal power to its king. When Khalar Singh, a powerful warlord with ambitions to become the king of Acheron, storms the monastery and captures all of the novitiates, she is separated from Ilira, the one she must protect.

With all of her strength and will, Tamara is determined to find and rescue her. She finds herself in league with Conan because of a mutual need to find Khalar Singh. She is not in the least intimidated by Conan’s size or grim demeanor and their alliance eventually blossoms into something that surprises them both… LEAD

Conan the Barbarian is set to start shooting in Bulgaria on March 15 with Jason Momoa (“Stargate Atlantis”) as Conan and Mickey Rourke (Passion Play) as his father Corin, and possibly Stephen Lang as the villainous Khalar Singh.

Do you like Gladiator movies?

It doesn’t matter. Whether you’re a fan of the sword-and-sandal genre or not, “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” is a difficult show not to enjoy.

Produced by Sam Raimi (Drag Me to Hell) and directed by Rick Jacobson (Bitch Slap), the debut season of the Starz series has rewarded its viewers with an enthralling new storyline, brutally violent fights, buckets of blood, and an insanely decadent amount of debauched sex and nudity from its impressive roster of stars—including Erin Cummings, Viva Bianca, Lesley-Ann Brandt, and Lucy Lawless.

(UPDATE: READ MY EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH SPARTACUS’ NUDE SLAVE GIRL LAURA SURRICH)

(UPDATE 2: “SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND” DVD TO INCLUDE EXTENDED ORGY SCENE w/ LUCY LAWLESS & LAURA SURRICH)

Lawless, of Xena fame, had never performed nude scenes up until “Spartacus,” making her topless debut in the episode entitled “Sacramentum Gladiatorum” Since then, the warrior princess just can’t seem to keep her robes on.

This past week’s episode, entitled “Delicate Things,” found amply-bosomed Lawless soaking naked in a tub with her equally nude slave girls. Viewers with a keen eye (or a skilled remote control finger) will notice Lawless has got some pretty large areolas.

Of course, the gorgeous servant girl taking it from behind, courtesy of John Hannah’s Batiatus, rock’s the series’ best rack so far. She is played by bubbly 22-year-old New Zealand actress Laura Surrich.

If you don’t have Starz, you can see all this depravity through your Netflix streaming. What? Don’t have an account? No worries. You can see the scene here.

Also peep:

Lucy Lawless will reprise her role as Lucretia in Starz’s new spinoff series “Spartacus: Gods of the Arena”

Laura Surrich’s new movie.

LESLEY ANN BRANDT, MARISA RAMIREZ, & JESSICA GRACE SMITH ARE NAKED SLAVE GIRLS IN “SPARTACUS; GODS OF THE ARENA”)

Fledgling actress Arielle Kebbel (The Uninvited, The Grudge 2) was once pulled down bottomless through a toilet seat in an otherwise forgettable horror movie called Reeker. While it’s hard to imagine Kebbel turning in a scene more disturbing than that, here’s hoping that the 25-year-old stunner will surprise us in director Bill Eagles’ indie-frightener Disturbed.

Arielle plays a sex-crazed coed abandoned on a secluded island with her friends while vacationing in Puerto Rico. The film costars Lauren Cohan (Death Race: Frankenstein Lives), Moran Atias (The Next Three Days), Jon Seda (Twelve Monkeys), Shaun Sipos (The Grudge 2), and Tad Hilgenbrinck (The Hills Run Red).

Kebbel is a 2002 Miss Florida Teen U.S.A. beauty pageant contestant and Maxim model. Check out her aforementioned toilet scene:

The premiere trailer for Zack Snyder’s 3-D animated feature Legend of the Guardians (formerly known as Guardians of Ga’Hoole) has been made available by Yahoo. The clip is narrated by Hugo Weaving.

(See images of the film here.)

Take a look:

If you long to see the trailer on the big screen, you can do so tomorrow by catching a showing of Disney’s Alice in Wonderland.

Guardians of the Ga’Hoole is the best-selling 14-book series by children’s author Kathryn Lasky. It tells the story of a young orphaned barn owl named Soren and his quest to escape a group of war-mongering owls by seeking refuge on the island of Ga’Hoole among wise and virtuous owls. The film adaptation is based on the first three volumes in the series: The Capture, The Journey, and The Rescue.

Legend of the Guardians is produced by Warner Bros./Village Roadhouse and Oscar-winning Australian animation house Animal Logic (Happy Feet). The film’s voices are provided by Jim Sturgess, Sam Neil, Hugo Weaving, Miriam Margolyes, Helen Mirren, Geoffrey Rush, Abbie Cornish, Emilie De Ravin, David Wenham, Ryan Kwanten, Jay Laga’aia, and Emily Barclay.

Legend of the Guardians swoops into theaters on Sept. 24.

Twilight’s vegetarian vampire (I know. So gay) Kellan Lutz stars in Platinum Dunes reboot of Wes Craven’s 1984 frightener A Nightmare on Elm Street. In an interview with MTV, the 24-year-old actor cites the original film as being truly frightening and admits to having had one-too-many sleepless nights after viewing it as a kid.

Check it out:

You know what else attacks you in your sleep? Acid reflux. Lutz should try eating a 12-pack of Taco Bell Chalupas with a bottle of Milagro tequila. We’ll talk about dying in your sleep then … pussy.

Warner Bros. has released a new BTS featurette for its upcoming remake of the 1981 classic fantasy-adventure Clash of the Titans.

Feast your eyes:

Directed by Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk), Clash of the Titans stars Sam Worthington as Perseus, Liam Neeson as the all-mighty Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes as Hades, lord of the underworld. The film arrives in theaters on April 2, 2010.

To see Russian supermodel Natalia Vodianova transform into Medusa, click here.

Avatar sucked blue donkey dicks, but Stephen Lang’s portrayal of ethically-challenged Colonel Quaritch was a fun kick in the balls. Not surprisingly, the 57-year-old actor is being offered the villainous role of Khalar Singh in director Marcus Nispel’s Conan the Barbarian reboot.

Conan the Barbarian is set to start shooting in Bulgaria on March 15 with Jason Momoa (“Stargate Atlantis”) in the lead role of Conan and Mickey Rourke as Corin, the barbarian’s father.

Tomorrow, you can catch a two-minute-plus trailer of Zack Snyder’s big screen adaptation of author Kathryn Lasky’s Guardians of Ga’Hoole at any showing of Disney’s Alice in Wonderland. But, what if you die today on your way back home from work? You’ll never know what the owls looked like.

Well, relax. USA Today has scored some cherry images from the film (now titled Legend of the Guardians) showcasing some of your favorite feathered friends, including Queen Barran (pictured above), voiced by Deborra-Lee Furness.

Check out the other images:

Noctus is Soren's father. Voice by Hugo Weaving.

Nyra is an evil queen of the St. Aegolius Academy for Orphaned Owls. Voice by Helen Mirren.

Eglantine (left) is voiced by Emilie de Ravin, hero Soren (center) by Jim Sturgess, & Soren's brother Kludd (right) by Ryan Kwanten.

Boron (center-left) is the King of Ga'hoole. Voice by Richard Roxburgh.

First we got to see Evangeline Lilly’s phone sex ads, now we have Michael Emerson’s acting performance in an 18-year-old training video made for rookie prison guards.

I’m freaking out. It’s as if we’re getting a glimpse at a flash-sideways showing us what could have become of Lilly and Emerson had they not been cast on ABC’s hit series “LOST.”

Man, watching that, I just kept waiting for Emerson to work his bug-eyed mojo and get the inmate to believe that he should stay in prison because Jacob said so. Of course, that would occur right after the prisoner punched Emerson 300 times in the face.

Emerson won an Emmy award this year for his portrayal of genius puppet-master Benjamin Linus on ABC’s “LOST,” currently on its sixth and final season.

Proving you can’t keep a good woman down (not even six feet under), “Dexter” starlet Julie Benz has joined the cast of ABC Studios’ long-running hit show “Desperate Housewives.” The 37-year-old cougar plays Robin Gallagher, a ditzy ex-stripper out to seduce Dana Delany’s Katherine Mayfair.

(UPDATE: Benz also stars this fall on ABC’s ‘No Ordinary Family.’ See the trailer here.)

Check it out:

If Benz doesn’t win an Emmy for this performance, I sincerely hope her wardrobe department is at least recognized.

In other Benz news, the actress is also set to star as the scientist wife of Michael Chiklis on ABC’s new super-hero drama “No Ordinary Family.” Her character will have the power of super-speed.

Super-speed? Now, that’s a power every wife could use … to make us a fucking sandwich! (High-fives imaginary sexist friends).

Enjoy the gallery:

[Show as slideshow]