The New Year is is well underway and, like most of you, Clatto has already broken its resolutions and is feeling ashamed. So, what better time to share our list of The 10 Sexiest Horror Films of 2013? Finding “sexy” in movies about rape, revenge, murder, monsters and serial killers is vile and repulsive.
We did it in 2010, 2011, and 2012… and swore never again! But, here we are with our annual list of the horror flicks that scared us stiff, so-to-speak. Shame on us! Comment, complain, or better yet… contribute. What sick and twisted movie titillated you in ways you never thought possible since having your uncle arrested?
10. SHE-WOLF (MUJER LOBO)
Mujer Lobo is Argentinian filmmaker Tamae Garateguy’s erotic frightener about a “multi-faced” female werewolf who seduces men to fuck her before turning them into kibble and bits. Stunners Mónica Lairana, Luján Ariza and Guadalupe Docampo each play the she-wolf nude-fully.
The starlets are hot and curvy, and the nudity spectacular and jiggly, while the sex is aggressive, often ending in brutal violence. Presented in black-in-white, the film looks extremely arty, which should help if caught by one’s jealousy-prone significant other.
Those looking for some tail can find it in director Aleksander Nordaas’ Thale… literally. The creature-feature is based on a deadly woodland nymph known in Norwegian folklore as the Huldra, a beautiful cow-tailed woman that is not nearly as fun as one would imagine a chick with a tail to be.
Norwegian babe Silje Reinamo plays the Huldra and, as is to be expected of an actress playing a character whose prominent feature is a tail, has a plump and bootylicious backside that really sells the story. Reinamo even goes the extra mile by performing full-frontal nudity. Now, that’s commitment.
8. BREAKING THE GIRLS
Jamie Babbit’s Breaking the Girls, a lesbian re-imagining of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1951 psychological thriller Strangers On a Train, stars Madeline Zima (”Californication”) and Agnes Bruckner (The Pact) as friends who agree to kiss and make-out with each other while plotting how to murder each others enemies.
Babbit (The Quiet) directs from a script by Guinevere Turner (American Psycho). Regrettably there’s no nudity in Breaking the Girls, but it does feature some hot scantly-clad lesbian romps between Bruckner and Zima and Bruckner and Kate Levering (the hot skinny chick on “Drop Dead Diva”).
7. FROZEN GROUND
As far as serial killers go, none seemed to enjoy spending more sexy-time with his victims than Robert Hansen, the Anchorage-based rapist and murderer who over a 12-year span sexually violated and then slaughtered 24 women by stripping them naked and hunting them like game in the Alaskan wilderness.
Frozen Ground tells Hansen’s story in a disappointingly watered-down manner. Rather than focus on Hansen’s sadistic rapes and hunts, the film relies on solid acting performances by John Cusack as Hansen and Nicolas Cage as the detective who brings him to justice.
Vanessa Hudgens provides the film’s stroke-value as the teen stripper/prostitute who managed to escape from Hansen after being abducted, raped, and banged with a hammer. There’s no hammer-time in the thriller, but Hudgens does perform an extremely slutty panty-clad striptease complete with leg spreads.
The world premiere of writer/director Adam Gierasch’s new gonzo/noir frightener Schism was held this year at the 13th annual Screamfest LA film festival. Callum Blue (”Dead Like Me”) stars as a Baton Rouge chef trying to make sense of the terrifying visions that haunt his mind.
OK… some of those visions—like the one pictured above—are what sweet dreams are made of. But, what really makes this film one of the sexiest of 2013 is co-star Ashlynn Yennie’s most memorable performance since Human Centipede.
Yennie plays his gorgeous and supportive girlfriend, going beyond the call of booty in a lengthy full-frontal nude sex scene. Schism has yet to acquire distribution, and a new edit may end up on screens when it does, but we can’t un-see what we saw so it makes the list!
5. HIDDEN IN THE WOODS (En Las Afueras de la Ciudad)
Chilean director Patricio Vallardes incest-fueled survival thriller Hidden in the Woods (En Las Afueras de La Ciudad) stars busty stunners Carolina Escobar (pictured) and Siboney Lo as sisters sexually abused by their backwoods, drug dealing father until the day he murders two cops and is sent to the pokey.
The girls barely have time to pull up their knickers when their drug lord uncle and his crew show up to rape and take over business. The girls hide in the woods, turning tricks to survive before having no choice but to fight back. Escobar goes topless, while Lo provides the booty shots.
4. BLACK ROCK
Black Rock follows three childhood girlfriends as they set out to reconnect during a weekend getaway at a deserted island off the coast of Maine. Trouble starts when the alluring trio hook up with three poachers they unexpectedly meet on the island.
When the campfire fun turns to attempted rape, the girls have no choice but to run, fall, get naked and fight back! Black Rock features director and star Katie Aselton’s nude debut and busty co-star Lake Bell’s second go in the buff. Kate Bosworth is also along for the ride, but sadly keeps her knickers on.
You can peep the nude scene here, or watch the trailer right… hey, where’d you go?:
3. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2
I Spit On Your Grave 2 stars Jemma Dallender (”Hollyoaks”) as an aspiring model lured to a photo shoot in New York only to be raped, tortured and taken to a foreign country where she endures more rapes, golden showers, and penetrations with a cattle prod. Things don’t even get better when she’s buried alive and left for dead.
This is the kind of movie that is meant to make you feel really, really bad for the victim. Unfortunately, one’s penis can be a cold and unfeeling motherfucker. But, don’t feel bad. Your penis is an innocent. It doesn’t know you shouldn’t chain pretty women up and go all R. Kelly on them.
The only thing your penis knows is that Jemma Dallender is pretty hot and goes completely nude throughout the first half of the movie. The film, a sequel to Steven R. Monroe’s 2010 remake of the controversial 1978 Meir Zarchi rape-revenge thriller, is also a bit lighter on the male torture (no shotguns in the anus).
Peep some clips:
2. EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE
Pretty blonde up-and-comer Sharon Hinnendael goes nude as the lead in Anchor Bay Entertainment’s remake of the 1994 cult classic Embrace of the Vampire, an erotic supernatural thriller about a college virgin’s sexual awakening at the hands of handsome vampire.
Hinnendael plays Charlotte Wells, the chaste young woman seduced in dreams by a vampire promising her a life of emotional and sexual fulfillment. Co-stars Kaniehtiio Horn (”Hemlock Grove”) and C.C. Sheffield go topless, while Chelsey Reist (No Tell Motel) goes down hard on Hinnendael during a heated lesbian romp.
1. +1 (PLUS ONE)
Plus One is set at the biggest party of the year and finds a group of college kids drinking and fucking on the eve of a meteorite crash that screws up the space-time continuum.
The film takes Clatto’s top honor for a variety of reasons: Ashley Hinshaw (Chronicle) and Chrissy Chambers’ (Road Trip: Beer Bong) bikinis, Hannah Kasulka’s (What to Expect When You’re Expecting) naked breasts, and newcomer Crystal Lo’s nude body buffet and naked karate kick.
Trumping them all, however, is Natalie Hall (”Pretty Little Liars”), making her nude debut as Melanie, a party girl who not only gets naked a lot, but ends up meeting her nude clone while getting ready to bang some dude!