Welcome to our list of The 10 Sexiest Horror Films of 2016, a ranking of the year’s hottest fright flicks and thrillers as chosen by our esteemed nuts. Creature features, abduction thrillers, rape/revenge (you gotta have the revenge or peeps freak out), even a couple of genuine erotic thrillers and a sci-fi romance are honored this year (yes, we’re getting soft in our old age – just not where it counts!).
A bachelor party finds a groom and his buddies at an underground strip club where the featured talent is a captive siren performing a unique and seductive peep show. Mesmerized by the creature’s song, the groom decides he must free her. Unfortunately, she sets out to eviscerate every male in the room when he does.
Hannah Fierman plays the siren, going nude throughout much of the film’s duration. Of course, she’s a bit of a butterface – those teeth, that forehead - and her gross affinity for castrating dudes is a total bummer. But, that tail is hot and watching a naked chick kill is always thrilling. There’s also a sexiness assist by Lindsey Garrett and stunning newcomer Monica Ollander.
09. HIDDEN IN THE WOODS
Husband and wife producers Jennifer Blanc and Michael Biehn’s Hidden in the Woods is a remake of Chilean filmmaker Patricio Vallardes’ incest-fueled, rape-happy survival thriller En Las Afueras de La Ciudad.
Directed by Vallardes, the film stars Electra Avellan and Jeannine Kaspar as sisters repeatedly raped and tormented by their hooligan father until the day he’s sent to the pokey. The girls barely have time to pull up their knickers when their drug lord uncle shows up to collect the money their father owes him.
Vallardes original film made this very list in 2013. You’ll feel bad for liking it, but, hey, it’s just a movie… oh, wait, it’s based on a true story.
08. SUICIDE SQUAD
Suicide Squad is an adaptation of the DC Comic about a group of super-villains brought together by a government agency for a suicide mission. The flick was regrettably retarded, but Margot Robbie as sexy, booty-short clad psychopath Harley Quinn made it impossible not to buy a ticket.
Robbie owes her Hollywood breakthrough to full frontal nudity in Martin Scorsese’s Wolf of Wall Street, but it’ll now be awhile until we witness something that glorious again – unless a major Oscar contender comes along in which she can go full-retard and/or disheveled lesbian murderess.
Suicide Squad is also noteworthy for Cara Delevingne, looking sexy as bikini-clad baddie Enchantress.
07. CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Careful What You Wish For stars Aussie stunner Isabel Lucas as a young trophy-wife caught up in an affair with an awkward high school student too blinded by his penis’ good fortune to notice she’s trouble.
Lucas played Goddess Athena in The Immortals and a long-tongued, short skirted Decepticon in Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. She also thrilled as a butt flashing femme fatale in the sexually charged who-dun-it The Loft.
Lucas bares some boobage (see clip below) and that sweet tush once again in Careful What You Wish For.
Paul Verhoeven, the man behind such sexy features as Basic Instinct and Showgirls, brings us a twisted tale of GILF rape and revenge in Elle, starring Isabelle Huppert as a tough businesswoman who strikes up a relationship with the home invader who raped her.
Like most Verhoeven films, there’s a lot to take in Elle, namely male and female power dynamics, sexual repression, and why cats are such little assholes.
Jennifer Lawrence and Christopher Pratt are strangers on a spacecraft to a new planet, awakened from their sleep pods 90 years too soon by a ship malfunction that threatens to wipe out the 5000 passengers still asleep on board.
The film is more romance story than horror so don’t expect Pratt to have his way with the sleeping bodies and chase Lawrence around with a chainsaw when she wakes up to him on top of her. Still… space is scary, doom is around them, and what Pratt does to Lawrence is probably worse than non consensual sodomy.
The scenes between Pratt and a bar tending android in the ship’s bar are an awesome homage to The Shining, hinting early on to the cabin fever afflicting Prat. But, enough justifying Passengers horror qualifications… is it sexy? Fuck, yeah. Lawrence shines onscreen – her looks, her movements, her taste in bikinis and evening wear.
There’s no nudity in Passengers and blue balls is a risk, but Lawrence crawling on a table, swaying in a tight dress and heels, jogging, and swimming – all without that pesky blue color dye – is worth price of admission and any possible indecent exposure charges.
04. GIRL ON THE TRAIN
An adaptation of Paula Hawkins bestselling debut novel, Girl on the Train is a fun, twisty erotic mystery starring Emily Blunt as an alcoholic divorcée hung up on her ex and obsessed with the perfect young couple living on his street. Haley Bennett plays a nanny to her ex’s new baby and the kind of emotionally damaged hottie that is irresistible.
Horror fans will recognize Bennett from The Haunting of Molly Hartley and, boy, is she all growns up. Her character screams sex kitten and seduces everything with a penis. She’s a tragic character with a very sad backstory and you’ll feel like an asshole for objectifying her, but Bennett is gorgeous and watching her flash some T&A, along with banging in the woods and flashing panties at her shrink, is worth going to hell.
“Orphan Black” stunner Ksenia Solo is the object of an Animal Control center employee’s obsession. When his advances are rejected, he abducts her and keeps her in a cage at work. Solo is not the meek creature she appears to be, but her deranged suitor is convinced he can save her from being a rabid bitch to others.
Bitches are only attractive if they’re clad in vinyl and are being paid to treat you like the pig you are so how can a movie about a mean and evil woman be sexy? She’s in a fucking cage! And, she’s Ksenia Solo. Seriously, that visual is pretty erotic. Duct tape or a muzzle is warranted, but that would ruin the tale which is awesomely twisted.
02. THE SHALLOWS
One hot female surfer. One big ass shark. One clingy bikini. You’re gonna need a bigger box of Kleenex.
The Shallows is directed by Jaume Collet-Serra (Orphan) and stars Lively (Age of Adaline) as a surfer stranded on a rock just a few feet from shore after being attacked by a great white.
There is no nudity in The Shallows, but spending alone time with a bikini-clad Lively is surprisingly thrilling. We can only wonder how much better Gravity had been if Sandra Bullock had worn a sexy little two-piece while stuck in space!
01. NEON DEMON
The Neon Demon is an L.A. based satire about cannibalistic cat-walkers co-written and directed by Nicolas Refn (Drive). Elle Fanning leads a cast that includes Christina Hendricks, Bella Heathcote , Jena Malone, model Abbey Lee and Keanu Reeves.
The Neon Demon follows a group of supermodels as they turn to cannibalism and voodoo to maintain their looks and competitiveness. Nudity is provided by stunners Bella Heathcote and Abbey Lee and Jena Malone who goes the extra full-frontal mile and turns in an outrageous scene of lesbian necrophilia with Playboy Playmate Cody Renee Cameron.