2018
01.01

The 10 Sexiest Horror Films of 2017!

woman, scared horror movie, popcorn drops

We made it to a New Year and that means it’s time to have one last look at the thrillers that thrilled us maybe a little too much in our list of The 10 Sexiest Horror Films of 2017! Chosen by our esteemed nuts for their inadvertent ability to get us off while simultaneously scaring the crap out of us, this year’s honorees include abduction thrillers, erotic mystery, a slasher, a cyborg fantasy, witches and psycho-bitches, a tentacled creature feature, and, of course, some good old fashioned vaginal vengeance.

Comment, complain, and contribute below. Don’t forget to check out our lists for 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016.

10. M.F.A.

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Francesca Eastwood, daughter of movie icon Clint Eastwood, made our day by making her nude debut in the rape/revenge drama, M.F.A. Eastwood plays Noelle, a meek art student and date-rape victim who transforms into a pink-haired vigilante fearless in her art and murder sprees.

Not as leg-crossingly gruesome as most rape/revenge flicks, M.F.A. is an easy watch for fans of the genre, disposing of frat boy caricatures without the use of gardening sheers or shotguns to the rectum, while amping up Eastwood’s appeal.

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09. COVEN

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Hot, young witches in lingerie. That’s all it takes for Coven to keep us under its spell. The Wiccan thriller tells the tale of four undergrad witches in search of a new member to take the place of the one they murdered while attempting to unleash the powers of an ancient witch.

Not a single wart on these witches. The flick is chockful of scantly clad goth chicks, lesbian shenanigans, and sexy hazing rituals.

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08. CRAZY LAKE

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Finally… a movie made by dicks for your dick. We say that in the most complimentary way possible as we are grateful to still see folks brave the ire of today’s pc-crazed culture to produce unapologetically fun sleaze like Crazy Lake.

Crazy Lake finds a bevy of bikini babes getting naked and slaughtered while spring-breaking at a cabin in the woods. The kills aren’t too outrageous, but the boobs and butts are hot so every girl’s death is really kind of sad.

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07. GHOST IN THE SHELL

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Ghost in the Shell is a big screen adaptation of the Japanese manga of the same name. Scarlett Johansson plays The Major, a special ops cyborg tasked with ending dangerous criminals, while looking as naked as humanly possible in a nude-colored thermoptic suit.

While the suit is a total cheat at nudity, it somehow manages to trick one’s brain into thinking it’s seeing a more than it is. It’s a pretty hot effect that satiates our immediate hunger for naked Scarlett Johansson content until she once again finds an indie she deems worthy of her acclaimed boobage.

06. 68 KILL

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68 Kill is a bloody heist flick starring Annalynne McCord (”90219″) as a trashy nut-job using her God-given gifts of tits and ass to manipulate men to do her bidding, including the boyfriend she convinces to help her steal 68K from the landlord she blows in exchange for rent money.

While not technically a horror movie, McCord takes her character beyond psycho-bitch territory – hot and genuinely frightening! All the women in this flick are scary babes, including Alisha Boe (”13 Reasons Why”) as a lingerie-clad abduction victim who’s not as helpless as she appears.

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05. REVENGE

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Italian actress Matilda Lutz plays a hot, young mistress raped by her sugar-daddy’s friends during a hunting trip in Revenge. While her thong-flashing and stripper dance moves are ill advised around such degenerates, we rally around Lutz and accept the scrotum splatter that follows as justified – mostly because Lutz remains hot while avenging her vagina after being left for dead in the desert and those dudes are pure garbage.

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04. L’AMANT DOUBLE

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L’Amant Double is a French erotic psychological thriller written and directed by Francois Ozon (Swimming Pool) and starring model/actress Marine Vacth as a melancholy young woman who discovers the shrink she’s fallen in love with has an estranged identical twin brother who is also a therapist.

Bat-shit nutty as she is, she seeks therapy with the brother, willingly submitting to a series of treatment sessions heavy on fucking, humiliation, and kink!

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03. HOUNDS OF LOVE

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Hounds of Love is the kind of stand-by-your-man romance story we just don’t see anymore — a love affair between a homicidal rapist and the woman who helps him find his victims. Stephen Curry and Emma Booth portray the couple, whose devotion to each other is put to the test when their newest snatch, played by stunner Ashleigh Cummings, shows tremendous resolve for survival.

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02. BERLIN SYNDROME

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The Berlin Syndrome stars Teresa Palmer as an Australian photographer who hooks up with a seemingly affable high school teacher while vacationing in Berlin and ends up trapped in his apartment after giving up her nappy dugout. Unlike the ladies in your typical rape/revenge flick, Palmer was not asking for trouble and her abductor is more than a rape-happy boogeyman.

The film’s mind-fuck drama and cat-and-mouse moments are absolutely gripping – as is Palmer’s willingness to go nude and/or be in various states of undress throughout.

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01. UNTAMED

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The Untamed is a pervy creature-feature masquerading as an art-house drama about a small town working class woman married to an abusive brute who is having an affair with her brother. The situation is soon remedied when she discovers a tentacled monster hiding in a cabin in the woods and allows it to tentacle-bang all of her orifices simultaneously, making for an strikingly graphic scene not to be forgotten!

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  1. so much horrendous botched implants.. what a waste..