2020
01.01

The 10 Sexiest Horror Films of 2019!

Happy New Year!!! It’s that time again when we set out to become better people and forget about the shameful shit we did all year long—like stroking to movies about beautiful women in peril!

The honorees for 2019 find a wide array of stunning starlets facing off against terrors such as space, sharks, assassins, cyborgs, sangria, husbands, hicks, and home invaders—all while looking good!

Comment, complain, and contribute below. Don’t forget to check out our lists for 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017,and 2018.

10. 3 FROM HELL

Long before it was popular to hate on white people, rocker-turned-director Rob Zombie was introducing some of the most vile and scary looking rednecks this side of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Among his most heinous hicks are those seen in his new sequel 3 From Hell: Baby Firefly (Sheri Moon Zombie), Otis Driftwood (Bill Moseley), and Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig)—the Firefly family of serial killers first seen in House of a 1000 Corpses and its sequel The Devil’s Rejects.

While it ain’t pretty, if you like naked hookers and vulnerable nude victims running for their lives, 3 From Hell is pretty spicy! And, unlike the violence, Mrs. Zombie is quite easy on the eyes.

09. ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL

Like Jessica Rabbit, Alita isn’t bad, she’s just drawn that way. This CGI’d spinner is the titular star of Alita: Battle Angel, a sci-fi actioner adapted from Yukito Kishiro’s manga by director Robert Rodriguez (Desperado) and Avatar producers James Cameron and Jon Landau.

Written by Cameron and Laeta Kalogridis (“Altered Carbon”), Alita is a lethal cyborg with big anime eyes and a tight teen body, found discarded in a dumpster by a scientist who inexplicably reboots her as a killing machine with a heart of gold and not a robotic sex doll with self-cleaning capabilities.

08. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE: DEJA VU

I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu is Meir Zarchi’s official sequel to his controversial 1978 rape/revenge thriller Day of the Woman—re-released as I Spit On Your Grave in 1980. Camille Keaton, now 67, reprises her role as rape-victim-turned-ball-breaker, Jennifer Hills, and Jamie Bernadette (4/20 Massacre) joins the film as her daughter Christy.

Set decades after Jennifer’s acquittal for the brutal murder of the four men who gang-raped her, Jen is now a bestselling non-fiction author and the target of the surviving members of her “victims” families—who abduct her and her daughter for more rapey fun! The Hill girls get it bad, with Christy enduring a brutal gangbang before running off naked into the woods.

Bernadette isn’t exactly Pornhub material—Sarah Butler in the I Spit On Your Grave reboot is by far the hottest in the movie series, but Bernadette’s plain-Jane looks add realism to the gritty assault, making it more strokeable…until she starts shooting dudes up the ass.

07. CLIMAX

A dance troupe takes a bad trip when they consume Sangria laced with LSD. Soon, they experience paranoia, anger and, our standby emotion, lust! The film brings the nudity and some girl-on-girl action, including a lesbian romp between main attraction Sofia Boutella (The Mummy, Kingsman) and newcomer Sharleen Temple. The scene is nowhere near as hot as Boutella’s clam-smacker go with Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde because…it was with Charlize Theron!

Still, Boutella and Temple’s encounter is pretty sexy and much appreciated when having to put up with all the frivolous gay and tranny crap. Climax is definitely no Black Swan, which topped our list for 2010, but Boutella will have you busting some moves regardless.

06. HIGH LIFE

Criminals imprisoned on a spacecraft heading for certain doom undergo sexual experiments at the hands of a degenerate ship doctor, played by milfy French actress Juliette Binoche—who gets it on with Mia Goth (Cure For Wellness) and goes fully nude in a kinky masturbation room called a Fuck Box!

In addition to the Binoche’s Fuck Box, there is rapey stuff, cum shots, lactation, big hairy bushes, and balls…but, don’t freak out. It’s all helmed by a female director (Claire Denis) so you can enjoy guilt free!

05. 47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED

Sexy stepsisters Mia and Sasha, played by Sophie Nélisse (The Book Thief), and Corinne Foxx, daughter of actor Jamie Foxx, ditch a shark tour gifted to them by their stepdad to explore a sunken city in a secluded lagoon with their hot teen friends Alexa and Nicole, played by Asian stunner Brianne Ashleigh Tju (“Scream”) and Sistine Stallone—yup, Sly’s daughter.

47 Meters Down: Uncaged is a lot of fun and a solid sequel to the original surprise hit, starring Mandy Moore and Claire Holt as sisters abandoned at the bottom of the sea in a shark cage. With more bikini action and double the hot girls, it’s easy getting hooked.

04. THE INTRUDER

Dennis Quaid plays a seemingly nice, old widower who sells his large, beautiful Napa Valley home to a young black couple only to pit them against one another while putting the moves on hot wife Meagan Good, who inadvertently encourages the grizzled goat by spilling out of her tops and wearing skintight outfits.

She’s also needy and welcomes the rugged old coot’s company while her husband is busy working to pay for her dream house. Good’s actions are increasingly frustrating as the tale plays out, but Good looks so, well…good! That she can thrill despite the film’s PG-13 rating is a notable testament to her hotness.

03. AN AFFAIR TO DIE FOR

A hot milf professor, played by real British milf Claire Forlani of Meet Joe Black and CBS’s “Hawaii Five-O” reboot, ties and blindfolds herself in an Aspen hotel, waiting for her young lover to come in and Fifty Shade her. Unbeknownst to the old gal, her cop husband has gotten wind of their affair and has taken her lover hostage.

He goes to his wife’s room with the young stud to keep her from knowing the jig is up. He makes a cuckold out of the young punk whose been cuckolding him and uses the opportunity to grudge-fuck his wife. He also threatens to kill his wife and kid if he refuses to do as he says. Meanwhile, he starts calling his wife to convince her the young man she’s with is a serial killer.

The nudity blows in this film and that’s a shame as it would make things far more titillating, but it still ranks on this list because its deranged story is hot and Forlani is still smoking at 48.

02. ANNA

Writer, director, and producer Luc Besson is a master of the hot chicks kicking ass genre—think Milla Jovovich (The Fifth Element), Scarlett Johansson (Lucy), Cara Delevingne (Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets)—and, now, he’s back with a sexy new ass-kicker: Russian supermodel Sasha Luss.

Luss, who played the hot, blue creature Princess Lïhio-Minaa in Besson’s Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, stars as Anna Poliatova, a woman who harbors a secret that will make her “one of the world’s most feared government assassins.” She also wears a lot of skimpy outfits and bangs out bad guys with more than her gun.

Anna is not horror, but getting shot in the face by a hot chick is still scary, right?

01. POLAR

An adaptation of the Dark Horse graphic novel about a retired hitman marked for death, Polar doesn’t really fall into the horror/ sci-fi genres. So what’s it doing topping our list? Simple…it’s violent and every character is a sociopath. Our favorite being Sindy, an oft-nude, big-boobed/ big ass assassin, played by real big-boobed/ big ass German actress Ruby O. Fee.

There’s plenty of hotness in the film, but Fee steals the show with every second she’s on camera—most memorably during her fully nude seduction/ assassination scene with our hitman protagonist.

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